Trust In Me
by Aemyra
Summary: Remus' trust in Sirius is shattered. He turns to the one friend that's always understood. Feelings are revealed and Remus finds happily ever after. But what happens when Sirius comes back? SLASH! Rem/Sir Rem/Sev R&R!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters; they are the property of one JK Rowling. In Rowling we trust!

Author's Notes: Greetings, readers! I am quite appreciative of the positive feedback to my previously posted work ^_^. At the end of my last one-shot, I promised a multi-chaptered fic, and here it is. I didn't want to post anything that isn't at the very least halfway complete, as I cannot promise regular updates at the moment. This fic will feature more Sirius/Remus but will also include my second favorite pairing, Remus/Severus. Hopefully this will assuage your thirst ^_^. Enjoy!

He didn't need sensitive ears to hear them. The moment he opened the door he was assaulted by the sound of flesh meeting flesh, moans and grunts, cries for more. He was shocked, frozen in the doorway of the muggle flat he'd shared with Sirius for 5 years. He smiled brokenly, uncertain. Sirius had a thing for muggle technology; maybe it was that box-thing, the telly, playing those dirty movies. Remus held on to this faint hope as he moved toward their bedroom, his legs weak beneath him. By the time he made it to the bedroom, he was bracing himself against the wall, his stomach turning. The scent of sex assaulted him next, and he hoped against his better judgment that he was mistaken, that Sirius was just pleasuring himself. His hand shook as he pushed the door open. It swung open easily.

That broken smile was still frozen on his face as he took in the scene. There was no denying this, but his heart feebly tried, even as it shattered in his chest. Time slowed as he watched Sirius move, sinking over and over into the woman beneath him. She squealed and moaned and writhed, clutching at his neck and hair. Sirius responded by nuzzling her neck, thrusting harder, deeper. Standing there, watching, listening to Sirius grunt and that _whore_ moan in return, Remus couldn't make a sound. In fact, he could hardly breathe. The room blurred and for a moment he was grateful for it. His knees gave out, sending his crashing into the table beside the door, gasping desperately for breath. There was a shriek from the bed and Sirius cursed loudly when the pair realized they weren't alone. Somewhere in the chaotic torrent of emotions coursing through him was the satisfaction of denying them completion.

Remus clutched at his chest, desperately trying to breathe but his lungs refused to expand fully. Pain ripped through his heart and he was vaguely aware of the woman running pass him and out of their home. All he saw of her was a blur of dark hair, tan skin, and a blue dress through the veil of tears that wouldn't stop flowing. Why the _fuck_ couldn't he stop crying? Merlin, he was supposed to be furious, screaming, not collapsed on the floor, having a panic attack.

Having Sirius suddenly kneeling before him, clad only in black pajama pants didn't help. Remus trembled, sobbing now despite himself. Sirius was so close; he was practically choking on the scent of _that woman_. Sirius' face was flush, his brow contorted in worry and, was that regret? Remus could hardly concentrate on anything aside from breathing. Sirius reached up and touched Remus' face, attempting to wipe away his tears. He was muttering something, probably trying to soothe Remus, but all the werewolf could think of was how those hands had _just_ been on someone else's body. He jerked back violently, lashing out to push Sirius away. Sirius was knocked off balance, hitting the footboard of the bed.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Remus shrieked, scrambling up the wall.

Sirius didn't move from his place, sprawled across the floor. Remus' chest heaved as he struggled to make his body obey him. He swiped angrily at his cheeks, glaring at his lover- _former_ lover.

"W-Who is she, Sirius?" he managed to ask, leaning against the wall for support.

"Remus, I-"

"_Who is she?_" Remus demanded.

He felt his temper flare, something deep within him growled protectively. The wolf was waking, getting worked up and defensive. Things were getting dangerous. Remus closed his eyes, forgetting Sirius for a moment and focusing on reigning in his emotions. He was surprised by his reasoning. Five years with Sirius served to strengthen his patience, if nothing else, and now it was taking everything in him not to lose it. Apparently Sirius sensed this.

He signed, running his hands through his tangled hair.

"H-her name is Arianna… I met her a month ago-"

Remus' stomach plummeted. He sank back to the ground, hiding his face in his hands.

"A month?" he said, mostly to himself. The pain intensified unbelievably. He heard Sirius shift toward him, but he thought better of it and opted to stand instead.

"Yes, a month. She's a bartender at the Three Broomsticks. She seduced me-"

"And you went with her! You brought her back to our bed!" Remus screamed, glaring up at Sirius now, his nails digging into the palms of his hands.

"What do you want me to say, Remus? I fucked her, alright? I've fucked her in our bed; I've fucked her in her bed, in her shower. I fucked her at the Three Broomsticks and in the alley behind it. I've fucked her and then come home to fuck you, alright? I admit it!" Sirius shouted, running his hands through his hair again.

The blunt answer shocked Remus into silence. He supposed it was better than lies and excuses, but this agony was reaching indescribable measures. His breath was becoming short again, his tears were back full-force. He looked up at Sirius but the dog animagi refused to meet his gaze. His shoulders were stiff and squared, his stance arrogant and damn near _proud_. Remus knew this side of Sirius; this was him hiding behind a false bravado. His face was bare and vulnerable even though he wouldn't look at Remus. He was in pain; there was guilt in his eyes.

"Why?" Remus whispered, opting to focus on the ceiling instead of Sirius.

There was hesitation. Remus let his eyes slip closed and sighed.

"…Please… just… just fucking answer me."

"I don't have a reason, Remmie." Sirius answered softly.

Remus scoffed at the use of the pet name.

"You- you cheated on me… and you don't even have a reason? Come on, Sirius, there's got to be a reason. You slept with her behind my back for a _month_, and you don't even know why? " Remus could hear the bitter note in his voice but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"No."

Sirius' one word answer was like a slap to the face. Remus looked back at him and found the Sirius was facing the window, refusing to acknowledge Remus' grief. His anger flared again. Before he knew it, Remus was standing face to face with Sirius, pressing Sirius against the wall by the shoulders.

"Look at me, Sirius," Remus growled; Sirius refused.

"When did you become such a coward? If you're going to fucking destroy what we had, why not just tell me? Huh? Why'd you have to do it this way? Y-you could've… just told me, Sirius. You could've…you could've…"

Remus collapsed in on himself, crying in earnest all over again. He cursed himself for his weakness, but this fucking _hurt_. He'd never felt so vulnerable, so broken, even when the wolf within him shattered his bones and ripped his flesh. He felt useless and unworthy, even though Sirius was at fault. Never before had he questioned whether Sirius was happy with him; he never had reason to doubt it. Now he did. He was vaguely aware of Sirius hesitantly wrapping him in his arms and he hated the comfort it brought him. It made him hope there was a way to fix this, despite everything.

"I… I can't give you a reason, Remus. I don't have one, and I'm not going to try and come up with excuses. I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

"…Do you love her?" Remus whispered, dreading the answer.

"I…I don't know." Sirius answered, feeling Remus tense against him but unable to bring himself to lie.

After a moment Remus nodded against Sirius' bare chest. He stepped out of Sirius' embrace.

"Do you… do you still love me?" he asked feebly, looking directly into Sirius' eyes. The pain in them intensified and Remus' heart clenched again. Somewhere deep down he knew the answer before Sirius even spoke the words.

"…I don't know."

A/N: Alright! Chapter one! Chapter two should also be posted today or tomorrow. Feedback is much appreciated. ^_^ Until next time! Muahh!


	2. Chapter 2

The disclaimer stated in chapter 1 continues to hold true.

Author's Note: Alright! Chapter 2! The last one was a bit short, and ended with a cliff-hanger, but this one should be better! ^_^ Also, this fic is very AU. Since I've taken the liberty to allow the Potters to live in this story, I've taken the secondary liberty of making Severus a non-Death Eater, and a third liberty in removing Voldie from the picture all together. Thus far anyway. This is set 5 years after graduation, making the group in their early 20's, and Harry is still within Lily's belly. Nothing else to say, so… on with the story, lovies!

Severus leaned against the kitchen counter of his family's home in Spinner's end, a cup of warm tea cooling in his hands. His eyes were stormy with anger as he stared at the ugly, mustard yellow wallpaper of the room. His eyes subconsciously narrowed and he clenched the cup tighter as his anger spiked.

If Severus had any say in the matter, Sirius Black would no longer be amongst the living. Only an hour had passed since Remus Apparated to his front porch, sobbing and inconsolable over Black's _indiscretions_. He'd just managed to calm the sobbing to a quiet sniffle when he escaped to the kitchen to make tea and regain control of himself. Remus came to him for comfort. Maybe he wasn't the best choice for the job, but Remus still chose him. The last thing Remus needed right now was Severus losing his cool.

Severus blew subconsciously on the cup of tea, thinking of the man sitting in his living room. Much to the chagrin of one Sirius Black, Remus and Severus had been friends since 5th year. His childish prank backfired, it only served to peak Severus' interest in Remus (after an understandable amount of fear). Their friendship remained in the dark until halfway through their final year at Hogwarts, when Sirius found them studying together. The resulting fight only cemented the fact that Severus and Sirius would never be friends. Remus himself was furious for weeks at both of them. Until one day… one day he sought Severus out and told him that he was now dating that mongrel. It felt like the ultimate betrayal, but he offered Remus a smile and congratulations, because the werewolf seemed to be happy. In a world where Severus had few friends, he didn't want to lose his closest one. Now he regretted the choice. If only he'd spoken up then…

"Severus…"

The dark-haired man's attention snapped to the kitchen doorway. Remus stood leaning against the door frame, wrapped in the gray quilt Severus had given him. His face was blotchy and slick with fresh tears. Remus' golden eyes were red and puffy. His gaze was adverted and pained. Remus wiped at his cheeks and glanced up at Severus. The older man offered him a smile and extended the cup toward him. Remus accepted the cup tentatively, bringing it to his lips for a sip. Severus watched him closely; at the very least, the tears were nearly gone.

"I-I'm sorry, Sev. I know I interrupted your studies-"

"You interrupted nothing, I was only reading ahead, and it was nothing I don't already know." Severus countered, turning to pour his own cup of tea.

He continued to watch Remus as he waited for his own tea to cool. Remus grimaced slightly, looking to the sugar jar. Severus pushed it toward him silently, receiving a weak smile in return.

"Your sweet tooth is unnatural, Remus." Severus teased affectionately.

Remus didn't reply, but his smile strengthened a bit. After another sip, he spoke again.

"Thank you… for having me, I mean. I know you're busy with University, even though you deny it. I-I would've gone to James and Lily's but…"

"You didn't want him to come after you. I understand." Severus finished for him.

Remus nodded, taking a deep drink of his tea now that it was properly sweetened.

"I doubt he'll follow me anyway…" Remus replied, avoiding Severus' gaze again.

Severus took Remus' cup from him and set both of the mugs down. After a moment's hesitation, he drew Remus into his arms. The werewolf wrapped himself around Severus, burying his face into the taller man's shoulder. He gave a shuttering sigh, obviously trying not to cry again. Severus pulled him in closer, stroking Remus' back. Remus pulled himself together, gently separating himself from Severus' hold.

"I've had enough of crying for today, I think." He said with another weak smile. Severus hated it. In all these years of friendship, he'd seen Remus hurt, emotionally and physically. He'd never seen Remus this broken, though. It was as if all of his defenses had been stripped away and he remained vulnerable and devastated. Severus watched his companion retrieve his cup and walk back into the living room. He leaned against the counter again, sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose. He silently cursed himself for his difficulties expressing himself and handling situations like this. He would try his best to do what he could for Remus, but honestly, Lily would've been a better choice. Of course he understood Remus' reasoning. Had he gone to the Potter's house, Sirius would've known exactly where he was. Black probably where he was even now, but at least here Sirius could not come for him here. That Severus could assure. The former Slytherin straightened himself, picked up his own cup, and join Remus in the living room.

He found Remus curled in the corner of the couch, knees to his chest. He was staring into the small fireplace, despite the fact that there was no fire. His brow was furrowed as he stared; Severus assumed he was lost in memory. The slight tremble of his hands confirmed it wasn't a pleasant one. Severus sat next to him.

"Remus-"

"There was nothing. Not a single sign. I… I didn't have a clue." Remus whispered, still staring into the past.

"I cannot begin to understand Black's… motives," Severus started slowly, "I don't know what could drive any man to… I'm sorry, Remus. For what's happened. But perhaps… it was a blessing in disguise. Had you not witnessed his digressions, he would have simply continued this charade."

"I loved him, Severus." Remus answered brokenly, looking at Severus with teary eyes.

Severus' heart clenched painfully, but he ignored the sensation. This was about Remus, not his own foolish pipe dreams.

"I know, Remus. I know. But… his actions hardly suggest that he… that he still feels the same."

Remus buried his face in his hands, struggling to breathe deeply. His trembling began to worsen and Severus feared his words may have undone their progress. He cupped Remus' chin in his hands, forcing his face upwards to look at Severus. His eyes were dull and pained; his face void of color. His chest heaved as he tried to focus on Severus' face. He looked physically ill. Before Severus could question it, Remus sprang up and stumbled across the flat and down the hallway. Alarmed, Severus followed him. Remus dashed into the bathroom where he collapsed over the toilet bowl. Severus kneeled beside him as he heaved and vomited violently, stroking his back soothingly. He could do nothing but offer this meager bit of support as Remus emptied himself into the bowl. Even after it seemed like nothing else would come up, Remus' body convulsed with dry heaves. Gently, Severus lifted his head out of the bowl, flushed away the mess, and put a hand to Remus' forehead. The warmth beneath his hand was startling, especially since it had not been there just a few minutes ago. He could feel the fever growing even now, while his hand was still pressed to Remus' face.

"Remus? What's wrong?" Severus asked, despite how ridiculously obvious the answer seemed.

Remus shook his head weakly, allowing Severus to support his weight. He was sweating now and his breathing seemed slightly labored. Severus frowned; Remus' health was worsening too quickly for his liking. He reviewed the time between Remus' arrival and now to try and pin-point the cause, but he could think of nothing. He remembered then that emotional stress could sometimes make one physically ill. By now he'd lost count of how many times he cursed Sirius' name.

He helped Remus to his feet, supporting him as he transitioned him to sitting on the edge of the tub. Once he was sure Remus wouldn't fall all over, he left the room briefly to retrieve a small towel from the linen closet. He soaked it in cool water in the sink for a moment, watching Remus carefully. The werewolf seemed to disoriented now-

_Werewolf_.

Severus' blood ran cold. Of course; Remus was a werewolf. With all the research he'd done on lycanthropy _because_ of Remus, how could he not recall that fact sooner? The sudden onset of symptoms made perfect sense now, but Severus hoped more than anything that he was wrong. He needed to know, if he was going to treat Remus, but given the situation he doubted it was what Remus needed to hear.

He knelt before the other man, gently swiping his forehead and cheeks with the cool cloth. Remus relaxed a bit, leaning into the touch of the cool cloth.

"Remus… I need to ask you something, and I need you to answer honestly. Can you do that for me?" Severus asked slowly.

Remus' eyes were unfocused but he managed to nod.

"Have you… have you even bitten Black while…being intimate?"

Remus stiffened beneath Severus' hands.

"I would never! I-I never bit him! W-why could you think-"

Remus stood suddenly, breaking contact with Severus. He swayed slightly but managed to take a few steps. Severus stopped him from escaping the bathroom all together with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"I wouldn't ask if it weren't important, Remus. It wasn't meant to hurt you. I just need to know if you bonded with him."

Remus shook his head, "No. I-I didn't want to hold him back. If I bonded with him, he would be stuck with me for life. I didn't… didn't want that. Look what that got me!" he laughed bitterly, pulling away from Severus again.

"This isn't about him, Remus!" Severus said, frustrated, "He's hardly my concern! If _you_ would have mated with him, _you_ would be the one suffering, not him! Remus, you _know_ what happens when a werewolf loses their mate! You could be dying, right now, if you bonded with him! I hardly think that ever crossed his mind while he was running around with that woman?"

The second the words left his lips, Severus regretted them. Remus looked at him with disbelief and betrayal, as if Severus smacked him across the face. He didn't say a word as he turned and left the room. Severus hesitated in following him for a moment, kicking himself for being so cruel. His words were honest, but hardly what Remus needed to have on his mind at the moment.

When Severus entered the living room, Remus wasn't there. He was confused for a moment, hoping Remus hadn't left in his distress. He didn't detect a disturbance in the locking charms on his door, so he continued down the hallway towards the bedrooms. Unsurprisingly, Remus wasn't in Severus' bedroom, but Severus was concerned when he also didn't find him in the guest bedroom. That left one possible room, the third bedroom he converted to a personal potions lab. Why Remus would go into the lab, he was unsure, but he moved toward it to check anyway.

He hadn't noticed before that the door was cracked open. Anxiety settled in the pit of his stomach as he pushed the door open. The sight that greeted him was shocking.

Remus was doubled over again, clutching his stomach as he vomited again. This time however, it liquid was a dark crimson color. Severus was frozen in the doorway: it was blood. There was also blood seeping between Remus fingers; Severus gasped as he recognized the sterling silver handle of his scalpel.

Adrenalin coursed through Severus' veins as he leapt to action. He rushed to Remus' side, rolling the werewolf onto his back. Remus' eyes met his and the emptiness was chilling. He choked, blood bubbling from his mouth. Severus acted quickly; He grabbed the handle of the scalpel and pulled, removing it from Remus' abdomen. The werewolf gave a terrible choked cry as more blood sputtered from both the wound and his lips. His eyes rolled in his head and he lost consciousness.

Severus rolled the deteriorating man onto his side, relieved when the blood drained from Remus' mouth and he heard him gasp for breath. He pressed his wand into Remus' abdomen and muttered a healing incantation. He'd never dealt with healing wounds caused by silver on a werewolf and the relief he felt as he watched the blood flow slow to a stop. He lifted the hem of Remus' shirt to verify that the wound had indeed closed before checking Remus' pulse. It was slightly weaker than usual, but steady enough to assure him that Remus was out of immediate danger. He used a diagnostic charm to verify that, too. When it came back positively, Severus let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and sank back, resting his weight on his ankles.

_A/N: Yep, another cliffhanger. LOL sorry this chapter took a little longer than expected. I'll make it up to you, I swear! ^_^ Read on, and review! Much love! Muah!_


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N:_ _I noticed that posting quickly is causing my writing to suffer, so I've made the decision to take more time in developing the story from here out. This may mean a bit more time between each chapter, but hopefully that equates an all around better tale. So don't give up on me! _

Dusk found Severus sitting at his desk, hunched over a large, ancient tome, reading rapidly and taking notes as he went. He only lifted his eyes from the text to glance at the werewolf now sleeping on the futon he conjured in the corner of his lab. He would watch for a moment, insuring the regular rise and fall of Remus' chest, before turning back to the book. This went on for hours as he attempted to find as much information as possible on werewolves and their reactions to silver. Unfortunately most of the information he could find referred to using silver to _kill_ werewolves, there was little to be said about healing wounds caused by silver. By early morning frustration and disgust boiled just beneath the surface while he read another example of medieval wizards using silver to torture and kill werewolves. He slammed the book shut, grabbed the last of his collection and opening it to a random page. He was about to flip through the pages in his frustration, but he stilled when his eyes found it. This was the potion he was searching so diligently for. He grinned in triumph, glancing over to Remus before his smile faltered.

All night he'd struggled to keep his thoughts from travelling this path, but he couldn't help the guilt that washed over him. Remus sought him out when he was distraught and near the end of his rope, yet instead of comfort, his words pushed him over the edge, to near suicide. Dozens of terrible possibilities played in the back of his mind, bringing with them a dreadful, nauseous feeling: What if Remus hadn't gone into his lab, but left instead? What if he hadn't reached Remus in time? What if-? Severus shook his head, forcing the thoughts to stop. He needed to focus on healing Remus, not this guilt trip.

Hours later, when the sun was peaking over the horizon, Severus was working meticulously over a slowly boiling cauldron. His sleeves were rolled up to the elbow, his hair tied into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, and his brow sweaty. Exhaustion showed in the dark circles around his eyes and the tense lines around his mouth, but he worked steadily. He stirred the dark liquid in the cauldron counterclockwise, adding exactly 3 unicorn hairs with every 5th stir. The concoction turned a mossy green color and Severus stopped stirring. He picked up a handful of perfectly sliced willow root and dropped them gently into the potion. In response, the liquid boiled angrily for a moment, changing to fuchsia, then stilling all together. A strong musk wafted from the cauldron. Severus smiled; his work was successful. He picked up his wand, extinguishing the fire beneath the cauldron to allow the potion to cool and thicken, before beginning to clean. He always cleaned each tool by hand, that way he could assure they were all perfectly cleaned and still in working condition. His ritual was interrupted by the sound of a soft groan behind him.

Severus crossed the room in three wide strides. He knelt beside the futon, watching as Remus slowly came to. Remus blinked groggily at him for a moment before his eyes focused. Those golden amber eyes widened suddenly before Remus attempted to rise too quickly from the bed. He grimaced when pain caught up with him and he ended up tumbling from the bed in his haste. Severus acted quickly, catching Remus before he could hit his head on the floor. He helped Remus back into the bed, noting that the werewolf held a ginger hand over the new, faint red scar on his abdomen. Once Remus was settled back into the bed, Severus stood and moved to check the state of the potion. He could feel Remus watching him closely; anxiety suddenly set in. He used a ladle to test the texture, finding it had thickened into a nice salve. He scooped some of it into a shallow saucer before turning back to Remus. Severus tensed when their eyes met, mentally slapping himself for it. He had no reason for this nervous tension, yet he broke eye contact anyway as he sat on the edge of the futon.

"I-" he cleared his throat, "I managed to close the wound, but it couldn't be properly healed with the standard charm. I managed to find a recipe for a salve that should help."

Remus didn't respond to his explanation, but he continued to watch him just as intently. Taking this positively, Severus gently Remus' hand from the wound. He scooped a bit of the salve onto his fingers and, watching Remus' face for signs of pain, gently spread it across his skin. There was the barest flinch, but that was the only reaction he received. Remus' expression remained blank, his eyes intense but unreadable. Severus felt vulnerable beneath that gaze. He avoided looking at Remus' face, but he knew he was still being watched. Time passed awkwardly as Severus applied the salve under Remus' gaze. He felt foolish; Remus was his closest friend, yet he felt more nervous being watched by him than he had during any exam. He tensed a bit when he realized he'd finished applying the salve and was now subconsciously stroking Remus' skin. He jerked his hand away, looking back to Remus' face to find no change. The steady, unyielding stare was becoming overwhelming; it was a nearly tangible weight on his chest.

Unable to bare it any longer, Severus stood. He ignored the gaze, intent on escaping the room to gather himself once more and retrieve something to eat from the kitchen. He was halfway through the door when Remus finally spoke.

"I'm sorry."

His voice was cracked and dry. Severus' heart clenched as he recognized the tones of guilt and self-loathing. He closed his eyes for a moment, bringing his emotions in check before turning back towards Remus. The werewolf was still staring at him, but his gaze was changed. It spoke volumes on internal suffering, shame and a broken heart. This time it was Remus who broke away, dropping his gaze in shame and self-loathing. Severus could nearly hear the self-destructive thoughts crossing Remus' mind.

"Don't. There's no need to apologize to me, Remus. The things I said yesterday were… hurtful and unnecessary-"

"But true. I can't deny that they were true." Remus interrupted softly, turning to stare at the wall beside him.

"Regardless… I caused you further grief. For that I apologize… I-I'm sorry, Remus. I never- _never_- meant for any of this to happen. You're my closest friend; you know things about me no one else does. I can tell you any and everything but when you needed me all I did was cause you more pain."

Silence followed Severus' confession and he was unsure of what to do. He was still in the doorway of his private lab, looking at his now silent companion. He could only see part of his face, but it seemed he had once again drifted into thought. He was suddenly unsure of whether he should leave Remus alone again, even if it was just to get food for them. Yesterday's situation had only taken a few minutes to transpire, and it was obvious that Remus' state of mind had hardly improved.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, stepping back into the room.

Remus looked at him, surprise evident on his face. Why, Severus didn't know, but Remus answered him none the less.

"I'm… sore; dizzy; exhausted… you look tired, too, Severus. Did you… did you stay up all night?"

"I needed to find some way to help, to fix my mistake." Severus answered defensively.

A strange look cross Remus' face. "Severus-"

"Do you think you can stand? I think we can both use a meal."

Remus nodded, the strange look still there as he attempted to sit up, slower this time. Severus approahed him again and helped him stand. Though Remus seemed steady enough to walk on his own, Severus made sure to stay close enough to catch him. Remus must have noticed, but he didn't comment, even when Severus grabbed his arm to steady him as he sat at the table. He continued to watch Severus as he moved around the kitchen, chopping potatoes, celery, carrots, onions, and green peppers and throwing them into a pot of water to put on the stove. It still struck him as odd just how comfortable Severus was with muggle appliances, despite his muggle father. Watching Severus calmed him, though he didn't like how haggard the dark-haired man looked. His hands moved with a practiced dexterity, but his face showed his fatigue. Finally Severus stepped away from the stove to allow the stew to cook. He leaned against the counter, letting his body relax. He leaned his head back against the cupboard, sighing.

"Why don't you go to bed, Severus? You've been up all night, I know you're exhausted." Remus suggested softly.

Severus looked at him as if the answer should be obvious.

"You need to eat, Remus. It will help you regain your strength." He answered plainly.

"You're 5 seconds from passing out, Severus. I'll be fine." Remus responded, easing himself into standing and approaching Severus.

Severus watched him closely as he did, seeming at least mildly satisfied by this progress. Remus reached up and brushed back a stray strand of hair that escaped from it's place. His eyebrows furrowed slightly; this was something he often did to comfort Sirius. Severus took his hand and gently pulled it away before answering.

"I'm hungry, as well, Remus. Let's just eat. If you want, we can talk about things afterward."

Remus nodded stiffly, dropping his hand and moving back to the table to sit and wait in silence. A few minutes later Severus served the stew into two bowls. He set one of them in front of Remus with a slice of bread and a large soup spoon before situating himself on the other side of the table. After a moment's hesitation, Remus took his first spoonful, surprised to find beef chunks also in the mix.

"This is pretty good, Severus! Of course you would be a good cook, you're studying to be a potions master." Remus commented, tearing off a corner of the bread, dipping it in the stew, and eating it.

"Why'd you do it, Remus?" Severus asked suddenly, looking him in the eye. His gaze was intense and this time it was Remus who avoided Severus' gaze.

A pregnant pause passed between them as Remus stirred the stew with his spoon, searching for his words.

"…Sirius… Sirius was the only man I'd ever loved," he replied, looking to Severus for his reaction. His dark eyes softened a bit with understanding and sympathy. Remus continued.

"Before him, I was convinced I would spend my life alone. I could have the few friends I was granted, but I could never let anyone closer because of what I am. But Sirius… he knew. I think I told you, after what happened 5th year, that he was the one who actually figured out I was a werewolf. When they told me I was convinced I'd lose my friends, too. But they never left. If anything, Sirius drew closer than ever, he was downright protective of me. He was the first person I let in that close. Then-then he told me he'd fallen in love with me. It was unreal, unbelieveable. I thought, maybe I could live a relatively normal life. I _fooled_ myself into thinking that for 5 years. A-and now-" tears choked his words, "Now, I lost that. Maybe it was all a lie, but it was all I had to hold on to. We share all the same friends and I can't bare to face him right now, Severus, I really can't! Even when I can manage to find a job, I lose it eventually because of this _fucking_ disease! I-I can't survive without him, and he knew that. You were right, Severus. He knew how dependant on him I'd grown, and he did it anyway. He doesn't give a damn about me and I felt… I felt like, if he didn't care if I die, then I should. I should." His voice dropped to a whisper, shaking slightly.

Severus abandoned his seat without a second thought to pull Remus into his arms.

"Don't you _ever_ let me hear you doubt yourself like that again, Remus John Lupin! You are stronger than _anyone_ else I know, this will not break you. Your eyes are open now, if anything you should see that Black never deserved someone as beautiful as you. I've said he was a fool all along, and I stand by my word! Don't let him be what breaks you, you're so much stronger than this!"

Tears were streaming down both of their faces, but Severus did his best to comfort his best friend. His heart ached for Remus, but he knew what he felt could not compare to the agony Remus felt. Somehow they ended up on the floor, Remus laying halfway across Severus' lap, openly sobbing. All Severus could do was hold him, rocking back and forth, and cry with him.

Eventually Remus fell asleep, sprawled across Severus' lap, clutching him around the waist as if he were his final life line. Severus, struggling with fatigue himself, gently lifted the werewolf from the ground, surprised by how light he was. He carried Remus down the hall, hesitating outside the guest bedroom. He was doubting himself moreso than Remus. In the end, he turned to his own bedroom, kicking open the door and depositing Remus on the bed. He covered Remus in a blanket before conjuring yet another futon and settling in to sleep at the foot of the bed.

(((CHANGE PLACES!)))

Through his drunken stupor, Sirius Black was sure of three things:

After 5 years, he'd thrown away possibly the best relationship he'd ever had, for a woman he didn't really want to be with, if he truly thought about it.

He was uncertain of his feelings for Remus, but he'd never expected that final look of betrayal to affect him so much. He felt like half his soul left with Remus.

They didn't make firewhiskey strong enough anymore.

Sirius downed another tall shot of the firewhiskey, chasing it with a shot of scotch. The world spun and the firewhiskey's signature burn ran down his throat and straight into his stomach. He was vaguely surprised by the fact that he could still feel it. He looked up at the empty bottles in front of him: rum, vodka, firewhiskey, everything he had in the house. He hoped, at the very least, the liquor could dull this steady ache in his chest, but so far it failed. He could'nt sleep. Everytime he so much as blinked, that final image of Remus came back to the forfront of his drunken mind. His eyes kept slipping close, wanting to give in to sleep, but then another image floated into his mind. It was Remus, smiling at him in that way he reserved just for Sirius. For a moment, the pain in Sirius' heart eased and he smiled back at the image in his mind. Then the image changed, melting, twisting, and morphing into… into _her_!

Sirius leapt from his seat angrily, eyes still shut tightly, and flung his glass at the wall. She laughed at him and faded into black. Sirius opened his eyes. Grief washed away his anger as he sank back into his seat. All of this was that woman's fault; she cost him Remus. Logic was lost to his drunken mind, all he knew was that Remus was gone for good and this woman caused it.

"So you're going to, what, drink yourself to death?"

Sirius lifted his head slowly. It took him a moment to recognize the figure suddenly standing in his kitchen as James Potter, his best friend.

"Hey, Jamie. You come to leave me, too?" he aske with a goofy smile and pain in his eyes.

James glared at him, pulled out his wand, and pointed it at Sirius. Before his muddled mind could react, James casted a spell. Sharp, intense pain shot through his head and he gasped. When the world came back into focus, he found he was no longer in a fog, but completely sober and staring at an extremely angry James. He sighed, burying his head in his hands.

"What do you want, James? I'm not exactly in the mood for company." He said sarcastically.

"Like I give a rat's ass what you're 'up to'! What did you do to Remus?" James demanded, folding his arms across his chest.

Sirius looked up suddenly, hopeful. Had Remus gone to James and Lily's, then?

"You know where he is?" he asked.

"If I did, I wouldn't tell you since he obviously doesn't want you to find him," James bit, " I'm here because Lily got a call from Molly; that clock of hers placed Remus on 'in mortal danger' then back to 'in emotional distress'. She thought it might be a fluke, so she called Lily to be sure, and Lily sent me here. Imagine my surprise to find Remus gone, this place trashed, and you, sitting here drunk off your ass! What the Hell happened?"

Sirius chuckled bitterly.

"He left me, James. He's gone, and I can't do anything about it."

James' face lost its hardened edge, "What? Remus walked out on you? Why?"

"It was that _fucking bitch_! Arianna!" Sirius shouted angrily.

"Arianna? From the Three Broomsticks? What are you talking about, Sirius? What does she have to do with anything?"

Sirius took a deep breath, running both hands through his hair and pulling.

"R-Remus caught me in bed with her. He wasn't suppose to see that! He was never supposed to find out-!"

James' fist connected squarely with Sirius' jaw, knocking him from his chair. Sirius accepted the hit, accepted the radiating pain in his jaw. He deserved it, yet Remus never lifted his finger.

"You fucking prick! Remus loves you, and you brought some cheap fuck into your bed?" James screamed, furious. Sirius may be his best friend, but Remus was, too. He knew how emotional Remus could be, and there was no way Remus took finding his lover in bed with someone else well.

"It wasn't like that, James! I thought… I thought I was falling for her. I don't understand my feelings myself right now. I lost both of them anyway, she sent an owl to say she never wants to see me again." Sirius said, his voice pained.

"_That's_ what you're concerned about? Merlin, Sirius, you're a piece of work! Molly's clock said Remus was _in mortal danger_, Sirius! He probably tried to kill himself, and all you care about is that you lost your fuck buddy, too?"

Sirius' head snapped up at James' words. His blood ran cold and his heart skipped a beat.

"No… No, he wouldn't. H-he couldn't!" Sirius insisted, climbing back to his feet.

"He _did_ and it's your _fucking_ fault!" James answered unapologetically.

"Where is he?" Sirius demanded, moving to grab his cloak.

James grabbed his wrist to stop him.

"I don't know, and I'm not going to let you go after him. You're the last thing he needs right now. Whereever he is, he's safe for now. If anything, I'll send Lily for him. You… you're going to stay right fucking here and hope we can fix this."

Sirius snatched his hand away, pacing the room.

"…I can't, James. I can't."

"You can't or you won't even try?" James demanded.

"I _can't_! I-I'm no good for him. I never thought I could be that way with Remus, and I did anyway. I cheated on him! He deserves better than me! I-I couldn't possibly ask him to come back to that."

James stared at him in silence for a moment before he spoke.

"I think that might actually be for the best. At least for now. Maybe one day-"

"Yeah, maybe." Sirius said, grabbing the half-empty bottle of firewhiskey from the table and taking a deep swig.

James sighed, shaking his head, "Drinking won't make this go away, Sirius. You have to fix this."

Sirius replied by looking James defiantly and taking another swig.

_A/N: So, that's chapter 3! I'm losing access to this computer for a bit, but I'll do my best to have the next chapter up by next Friday! Until then, my loves! Muah!_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Alright, new chapter! This will be our first mini-time skip. Let's see what's up with our lovies are up to, now! And again, thanks for the positive reviews! Muahh!_

Three weeks passed and Remus seemed to make steady progress. There were still moments where he lapsed into silent contemplation or Severus would find him crying silently in the guest bedroom. He grew used to wrapping his arms around Remus in those moments and offering his support. It was starting to hurt less and less each time, like a numbing potion washing through his body. On the positive side, Remus was also talking more each day; he'd even laughed a few times since then. Severus smiled with him, happy to see the old Remus was still there, somewhere beneath the heartache. He never showed Remus that his own heart was aching, too.

Truthfully, Severus had always hoped for something more with Remus, even in the tentative days of their friendship. His feelings continued even after the devastation of Remus choosing to be with Sirius after the failed prank attempt. He forced them back, and he never spoke of his feelings, even when they flared up during his interactions with Remus. He was in love with Remus, but Remus was happy with Sirius. He refused to be what ruined that. But now it seemed Sirius had done that for himself. And yet, Remus was still not his to have. They both knew, deep down, the reason behind Remus' turmoil stemmed not only from Sirius' infidelity, but from the fact that, even now, he still loved Black. If he acted now, after all these years, there was still the chance that Remus would reject him and that would destroy what they had at the moment. He couldn't do that. But he could do all he could to protect Remus from the poison that was Sirius Black.

He knew all about Sirius' actions within the last three weeks. Lily sent him owls to check in on Remus. She told him that Sirius was drunk more often than he wasn't on most days, that he would go into blind fits of rage randomly, resulting in most of Grimmwauld Place being damaged and broken. Apparently even James stopped attempting to speak to him after Black threw a vase at his head. Severus felt no pity for the man; Sirius was simply reaping what he sowed. He was disgusted to hear that Sirius had begun to bed anyone and everyone that caught his eye. It'd been what caused that final confrontation between the two best friends: James walked in on Sirius having sex with Helena Strovenoff, a woman known for her promiscuity, yet he was still asking for Remus' whereabouts every time he spoke to James. The man was truly a fool.

"Breakfast is done, Severus. I made porridge and sausage links." Remus said, pushing open the door to Severus' lab and snapping the other man from his thoughts.

Severus looked down to the parchment and quill on the desk before him. It was blank. He couldn't remember the last time he flipped the page. It wasn't like him to get so caught up inn mundane thoughts that he lost focus. But… Remus was anything but mundane. He was fascinating, brilliant, passionate, sincere, loving, and beautiful, scars and all. For a moment Severus could do nothing but stare openly at the man standing in his doorway. Remus was shirtless and wearing a pair of Severus' pajama bottoms. They fit the werewolf well, which surprised Severus. If anything he thought they might actually be too big, but Remus' body wasn't as lithe as he once thought; he was slender, yes, but well muscled and defined. The scars that littered his body only emphasized his body's natural sculpting. Severus caught himself staring at his newest scar: the light pink one just to the left of his belly button. He blinked, snapping himself out of it and returning his gaze to Remus' face. The other man was smirking slightly at him.

"It's just another scar, Severus, no different than the others. No big deal." he said with a slight shrug.

Severus frowned at that but opted not to comment. He stood, sticking the blank parchment into his book to mark the page before shutting it.

"I hope it's not as sweetened as last week's porridge. Honestly, how do you handle all that sugar?" Severus remarked as he followed Remus into the kitchen.

"No, no," Remus laughed, "I only sweetened my serving. But a little more sugar in your diet couldn't hurt."

The plates were already set and a cup of coffee sat next to Severus' while Remus opted for a glass of milk. It was one of the things Severus learned about Remus within the last couple of weeks; Remus quite enjoyed milk, he bit his knuckles subconsciously at times, especially when he was reading, and he enjoyed muggle entertainment like the theatre and movies. Severus was surprised to see how much Remus knew of muggle culture but he found out Mrs. Lupin was a muggle enthusiast, much like Arthur Weasley. Learning this, Severus uncovered the television he'd moved to the basement after his father's death and moved it to the guest bedroom. He worried it was too forward and looked like he assumed Remus would be staying with him long-term, but Remus had been delighted by it. On some nights Severus would join him to watch it. He was surprised at how engrossed he could get in muggle programming.

The duo ate in a comfortable silence, much to Severus' relief. Remus often liked to talk through a meal, but Severus struggled with it. Apparently Remus now took that into consideration. There were a few moments where their eyes would meet, Remus would smile and chuckle and Severus couldn't help but respond in the same manner. Remus didn't speak until the meal was nearly done.

"You know, I can't help but think that if I'd listened to James an-" there was a pause during which pain flashed across his eyes, but he pushed it away, "and Sirius… I would have never gotten to know you. Hearing them, you'd think you were some soulless, greasy, evil drone."

"Of course," Severus scoffed, "I believe there was once a rumor I sold my soul for a date with Lily. If only they knew my preferences tend to be in my own gender."

Remus laughed, "I think they'd just change the rumor to you selling your soul to look like Lily."

Severus laughed at that, taking their dishes to the sink. He began to wash them, a habit he picked up from youth. Remus walked up beside him, picked up a towel, and began to dry the dishes as he washed them. Severus smiled inwardly, it seemed today was going to be one of Remus' good days.

"What time does your class start?" Remus asked as he dried the last of the dishes.

"11 o'clock. I should get ready, honestly." Severus asked, taking the towel once Remus was done to dry his own hands.

"Oh… alright. When will you be back?"

"By 1:30 at the latest, I need to visit an apothecary before my return. Why?"

"I just… I'll be bored." Remus said, an obvious excuse. Severus knew that Remus hated to be alone, especially now.

"Why don't you get out of the house for a few hours? You can visit Lily or maybe help out Molly for awhile with Billie, Charlie, and Percy." Severus offered.

Remus face darkened and he dropped his eyes.

"I don't think I can do that. I-I'm not ready to-"

"You don't want to risk seeing him. I understand, and honestly, I'd be a little concerned if you didn't feel that way. I can have Lily come by if that would make you feel better?"

"I haven't spoken to anyone in so long…" Remus whispered.

"She's concerned about you, Remus." Severus said, "She owls me to check up on you all the time."

Remus' eyes widened and he looked back to Severus, guilt and realization clear in his eyes. "The clock… I'm on her clock."

Severus nodded, "She wants to help, but she can't do that if you cut everyone out of your life over this."

"I didn't cut you out." Remus answered feebly.

"No, but why is that? Because he won't come here looking for you, right? I think I can say that if Black and I were cordial, you would be nowhere to be found… that scares me." Severus admitted before he could stop himself.

This clearly startled Remus, who blushed and looked away.

"Remus, you're my best friend. I've never met anyone who was so in tune with me. You're an amazing person, you can't take that away from everybody who knows that just because they also happen to know that foul git."

This earned a tentative smile out of Remus. He nodded.

"Alright. I'll visit Lily. She's too far along to Apparate or Floo. But that means you have to come by, too, when you're done with your class."

Severus agreed and Remus smile widened, causing Severus' heart to flutter with the sudden urge to kiss the other man. He resisted; he was far too used to resisting these urges. If he hadn't been such a coward in 7th year, he wouldn't have to resist. But then, of course, he might have lost Remus altogether.

The two separated, Remus going to the guest bedroom, and Severus to his own. Severus had given Remus some of his clothes, but the truth was he needed to remove Remus' belongings from Black's possession before those were destroyed, too. He hoped this visit to Lily and James' house would help. Maybe if he spoke to James, they could get them for Remus. There was absolutely no way Severus was going to allow Remus back into that house with Black.

When the duo reunited in the living room, Remus was dressed in the outfit he wore when he first appeared in Severus' home: a pair of light jeans and a grey t-shirt. His hair was groomed, his bangs brushing his eye lashes. This apparently frustrated him, because he kept pushing them away from his eyes.

"It's annoying how fast my hair grows. Maybe Lily can cut it for me while I'm there." he explained when he noticed Severus watching him.

Severus nodded, adjusting the bag on his shoulder nervously. If he was honest, he thought Remus' hair framed his face beautifully.

"Alright, off we go!" Remus said cheerily. Severus smiled at him, glad for the apparent change in Remus' mood.

The werewolf stepped into Severus' Floo Channel, a handful of powder in his hand. He spoke clearly, threw the powder down and an instant later he was gone. Severus followed suit, heading to University.

"Remus!" Lily squealed, wrapping herself around him as best she could.

Remus returned the hug with an awkward smile, trying his best to avoid putting pressure on her large, pregnancy-swollen belly. She pulled back, holding him at arm's length and looked him in the eye. The sympathy shining in her emerald orbs was too much for Remus and he broke contact, looking around the house in Godric's Hollow.

"I see James is still at it." he said jokingly, nodding toward the Ministry Quidditch Games MVP award sitting on the mantel above the fireplace.

"He won't shut up about that thing. I think it's because he knows once Harry's born he won't be playing nearly as much." Lily said affectionately.

Remus whipped around, surprise on his face, "Harry?"

Lily grinned at him, placing a hand on her belly.

"Yes; Harry James Potter. We found out last week it's a boy."

This time it was Remus who swept Lily into his arms, "Congratulations! Prongs has always wanted a son!"

Lily nodded, pulling out of the hug.

"How are you, though, Remus?" she asked cautiously.

The joyous mood evaporated and again Remus would not look her in the eye. She took his hand in hers for support and lead him to sit on the couch while she settled in next to him.

"I've been better," Remus joked bitterly, obviously trying to avoid answering the question directly.

"Come on, Remus, honestly!" Lily scolded.

Remus shot her a glare, "Honestly? Honestly, my heart was stabbed by a blade I never saw coming, then ripped out by hands that swore they'd never do a thing to hurt me. Honestly, the only man I've ever let get that close to me, spit in my fucking face! Lily, Sirius was my world! I would do anything for him, and he… he just proved that he could give less that a rat's ass about me."

"Is that why…you-"

Remus laughed bitterly, his retort coming in a soft, pained voice.

"Yeah… If-if Sirius doesn't want me anymore, who would? _I loved him, Lily!,_" he hissed, "I loved him and he threw me away! So, I thought… what reason did I have to live anymore? If Severus hadn't been there, I probably would have succeeded. I'm not sure if I wanted to or not."

When Remus looked back to Lily, her face was slick with tears and her eyes hid a torrent of emotions. She pulled him in to another fierce embrace.

"You listen to me, Remus John Lupin, and you listen good. I don't care what happens, if I _ever_ hear you talking like that again, or find you're even remotely _thinking_ like that, I will be personally responsible for sending you to St. Mungo's. I mean it; I'll kick your ass!"

Remus couldn't help but laugh at that, "Yes ma'am. Severus may even help."

"Remus… you're far too precious to too many people to throw that away on some moron who can't see it."

Remus stiffened in the hug and drew back slowly. His eyes focused on his hands, which fiddled in his lap.

"Sirius- how… how's he doing?" he asked softly.

"I-I'm not sure I should tell you that, to be honest." Lily replied, "It's not pleasant."

"Please, Lily. Just tell me."

"Fine," Lily sighed, "He's become a worthless drunk. He spends most of his days drunk off his ass, trying to coax any and everything into his bed. James has stopped talking to him after he nearly took his head off with a vase; the house is destroyed. And- Remus?"

There were silent tears running down Remus' cheeks. He shook his head.

"I never wanted to ruin their friendship." he whispered.

"Sweetie, you didn't! Sirius is responsible for himself and his own decisions! I love you both, but it's obvious to everyone who's in the wrong here! If he comes back to his senses, I'm sure James will still be there, but there's nothing you can do when an idiot like that wants to be self-destructive." Lily said vehemently, "No one blames you for leaving. That took unbelievable strength, I know. Don't turn back now and blame yourself for his problems. You need to focus on yourself right now, Remus."

"I-It's been so long…"

"Then it's about time you start up again."

James did his best to control his emotions; he was livid and shocked at the audacity of the man standing before him. He knew Sirius was arrogant at times, and definitely ballsy, but for the last remaining Black heir to show up at the ministry and just walk straight into his office was extreme even for him.

"What are you doing in my office, Black?" James demanded warningly.

"Alright," Sirius sighed, relaxing a bit to James' surprise, "I deserve that. I just… thought I should tell someone, and you're the only one I could think of despite our falling out the other day."

"What are you talking about? Tell me what?"

"I'm leaving, Prongs." Sirius answered simply.

"What?" James asked, confused and a bit agitated, "Sirius, are you drunk right now?"

"No," Sirius shook his head, "No, I'm not. I've been sober for the last two days, and I've decided I'm leaving. I'm leaving London. Hell, I'm leaving England all together."

"Sirius, this is nuts! Where are you expecting to go?" James couldn't wrap him mind around this sudden change in Sirius. It seemed like Sirius was losing it over this situation and, as bad as it sounded, James was glad to see some sort of reaction from him.

"Not a clue, Jamie, but I can't stay here. I need to get away from everything, start over somewhere. My mind's already been made up, I just came here to let you know. By this time tomorrow I'll be somewhere in Scotland, maybe Russia; I don't know."

"Sirius! What you're doing makes no sense! You're going to just abandon everything? What about the rest of us?" James tried his best to speak logically, but he could see in Sirius' eyes that nothing he could say would change his mind.

"I'm sorry. Maybe I'll come back one day, but I need to get away for right now. Besides, you and Lily have each other, Peter has his daughter and that Hufflepuff he's shacked up with, you guys are doing fine. My only reason to stay here walked out of my life 3 weeks and 2 days ago."

"Padfoot, listen. You're my best friend, I don't care about whatever fight we had, this is crazy. You can't just pick up and leave because-"

"Because I fucked up the only good thing I had going with my life? Yes, I can, and I am. I'll stay in contact when I can. Good luck with the whole fatherhood bit and… if… if you see Remus, tell him… I really _am_ sorry."

Sirius didn't give James a chance to react or protest. He turned and left the room, his back straight and shoulders squared with determination. James was hopeless to do anything but push a hand through his naturally unruly hair. He took out a small piece of parchment, scribbled a note, and sent it via express owl to his own home in Godric's Hollow.

Lily and Remus were making a quick meal when the owl reached the kitchen window. Remus was busy slicing tomatoes for the salad so Lily walked over to let it in. It was a familiar owl, wearing a collar that identified it as a Ministry Express Owl. It offered her the note attached to his leg then busied himself with the bird seed sitting on the windowsill just for such occasions. Lily turned away from Remus to read the note. Her face morphed between shock, to disbelief, and anger. She crumbled the note before she turned back toward Remus and tossed the note in the trash.

"So what did James want?" Remus asked casually, also recognizing the owl as on of the ministry's.

"Oh, he just said he won't be meeting us for lunch today, but he wants a roast for dinner. Honestly, who does that man think he is?" she lied.

Remus laughed, "You would think by now he would know better than that."

Lily nodded, returning to the giant mixing bowl on the table. Remus added his freshly chopped tomatoes to the mix of lettuce, cheese, chicken, and red onion before she began to mix it. Without being told, Remus retrieved the red wine vinaigrette from the cabinet and poured it slowly into the mixture as Lily continued to toss the contents of the bowl. She served the salad onto two plates and set out a small bowl of home-made croutons.

They made small talk as they ate and it amused Lily how Remus managed to tie Severus into every topic they spoke about. She didn't even think Remus noticed how animated he would get when he told a story about Severus that he found particularly funny. Lily smiled to herself. Remus probably didn't even noticed that while his heart was slowly healing, it was also already slowly falling for another. She figured she should leave it for the two of them to discover; Remus didn't need to rush into another relationship right now anyway. She had faith in Severus, he could help Remus feel whole again. But, she frowned, Severus might not be willing to take things to the next level when it came down to it. He was a cautious, over-analytical man by nature; if he thought the risk of losing Remus was too high, he might never act. That could be a problem.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked, noticing Lily's frown.

"I was just thinking… the full moon's in a few days."

Remus nodded grimly, "Yeah. Severus and I spoke about it briefly a few days ago. He offered me the use of the cellar beneath his house but I'm concerned it may be too easy to escape from."

"Do you want James to come with you? You know, to help?" Lily offered.

"No, he should be here with you, especially with his busy schedule." Remus answered, shaking his head, "Severus and I will come up with something."

"Come on, Remus, I wouldn't mind. I know this one will probably be… particularly rough."

"I'll manage." he replied, returning to eating his salad.

Lily sighed and dropped the subject. She planned on speaking to Severus later anyway, so she would just bring it up with him.

_A/N: There's chapter 4! Chapters are being posted at a slower pace that I promised, but once again, it's to aid in my writing process so that the story doesn't suffer. Chapter 5 should be a nice little… well, you'll see. Review my loves! Until next post! Muahh!_


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Chapter 5! Here we go! By the way, I love you guys for reading ^_^_

Remus returned to Severus' home early, citing the need to rest. Lily accepted his reasoning with a nod and an understanding smile. She knew that the week of the full moon was taxing for Remus, he was often exhausted and irritable. After they said goodbye, she sank into an armchair and sighed, glad to be off of her feet. She relaxed for a moment, dreading the events about to unfold. Was Sirius really this rash and inconsiderate? After all these years, surely he had developed the same internal moon calendar as she and James did. Though, given his recent constant drunken state it was likely he simply lost track. _Merlin_, she thought,_ how could Sirius be so selfish?_

Lily didn't realize she fell asleep until she was jolted awake by the sound of someone attempting to enter their wards. She was confused for a moment before she remembered Severus was supposed to come by after classes. Apparently Remus had forgotten as well, as he didn't tell Severus he wouldn't be there. Lily eased her way to standing, using a hand to support her lower back. She retrieved her wand from the coffee table and performed the counter-charm. A moment later Severus Apparated into the living room, a small bag over his shoulder. He set the bag down as Lily hugged him, mindful not to put too much pressure on her stomach. She noticed and laughed.

"Severus, I can guarantee a hug will not force me into early labor." she joked, catching the weary look Severus gave her pregnant belly. They laughed at that, Lily glad to see a rare smile cross her friend's face.

"Where's Remus?" he questioned, noticing Remus wasn't present.

"Oh, he left. He said he wasn't feeling too well." she answered, smirking knowingly.

"What?" Severus asked defensively.

"So when are you going to tell him how you feel?" she asked off-handedly, grinning mischievously.

Severus' eyes widened and the faintest pink blush spread across his cheeks. It was adorable. He feebly attempted to deny it, but Lily's emerald eyes twinkled all too knowingly. He sighed, dropping onto the couch and throwing an arm over his face.

"Is it that obvious?" he asked weakly.

"Sweetie, it was that obvious 7 years ago when I found out about your 'secret friendship' and it's been clear this entire time. Life rarely gives you second chances, Sev, don't waste this one."

Severus scoffed, "I'd hardly call this a 'second chance'. He came to be devastated. Even now it's clear his heart still belongs to Black. How am I to compete with that? All I'll do is end up hurting him."

"Severus," Lily sighed, easing herself onto the arm of the sofa, "I understand what you're saying, and it's okay to be afraid of losing him. I know the feeling. But if you never take that risk, how are you ever going to see where this can take you? You're right, he's in pain right now. He was devastated by Sirius' actions; it's blinding him. He needs help, from someone who loves him, and I _know_ you love him. I'm not saying he's going to fall into your arms, but if you give him the chance and the support he needs, I'm sure he'll return your feelings."

"No one can be sure of that, Lily." he responded.

"I can," she said confidently, reaching over and removing Severus' arm from his face to force him to look at her, "I've already seen it."

Severus didn't want to get his hopes up. He didn't want to listen to Lily attempt to play matchmaker because it simply would never work. But that foolish voice in the back of his head was already whispering about things that could be. If he was honest with himself, Lily had won before she even began her argument. He was already madly in love with Remus, he knew he could never leave the werewolf when was still in so much pain.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked, regretting the question the moment it passed through his lips. Lily's eyes lit up and she smiled broadly.

"Well, the entire time he was here and we were talking, he found a way to bring you into the conversation. And over the years, whenever you and Sirius had a confrontation, maybe he would leave with Sirius, but he always comforted you first. I don't even think he realized it; that led to loads of fights between them."

"That's lovely Lily, I may have been part of the reason that dog decided to stray." Severus said sarcastically. Lily ignored his comment.

"There are all these looks he gives you, looks he gave Sirius, too. I've seen it when he thinks no one else is looking. He's confused and hurt, he always has been. Maybe he loves Sirius, but there's always been feelings for you there, too. As much as you've been fighting your feelings, he has been too. I think it's time you two stop fighting."

Severus didn't respond to Lily, he was too lost in his own thoughts. She reached over and brushed his hair back comfortingly, allowing the sometimes introverted man to sort through his feelings. Severus' musings were interrupted by the charms sounding again.

"James must be home." she said, standing.

A moment later James stormed into the room, obviously livid. He halted when he saw Severus sitting up on the couch before turning to Lily.

"Is Remus here, too?" he asked, removing his traveling cloak.

"No, he left earlier. He's not feeling well." she answered, taking the cloak and hanging it up for him.

"So," he addressed Severus now, "what're we going to do? We need to get Remus' things before he leaves-"

"What?" Severus exclaimed, wide eyes moving between Lily and James.

"You didn't tell him?" James asked Lily.

"We never got to that part of the conversation." she said.

"Tell me what? What is Black doing now?" Severus demanded angrily. Of course Sirius would find a way to continue hurting Remus. Of course.

James sat in the armchair across from Severus, running a hand through his disheveled locks.

"Sirius came into my office today to say he's leaving. He didn't say where he was going, I don't even think he knows where he was going. I don't know when he's leaving either. He's running from everything and I couldn't convince him otherwise."

Severus couldn't respond for a moment. The emotions coursing through him were chaotic; he wanted to hex something, to kill Black, to find Remus and take him away from all of this pain forever. His emotions must have shown on his face because Lily placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. James didn't object, instead he spoke again.

"Look, Sirius is hardly my priority right now. He's an adult, if he wants to abandon everything, then so be it. We need to make sure Remus will be alright. I think we all agree that he shouldn't go back to the manor, we'll have to retrieve his things for him. And we have to tell him, he wouldn't forgive us if we didn't-"

"I'll tell him." Severus decided.

"I figured you would say as much. I mean, Severus, you and I have never gotten along very well in the past, but I'm grateful you were there for Remus. I mean that. Who knows what he would've done."

Severus nodded grimly. They all knew exactly what Remus would have done, they just didn't want to acknowledge the truth.

"I think it's best if we do this as soon as possible." Lily said, caressing her belly.

"I agree, but Lily I'm not letting you go over there."

"_Letting_ me?" Lily questioned warningly.

"Yes, _letting you_. You're too far along to deal with this. Our baby is more important than Sirius and his stupidity." James said with finality.

Lily couldn't argue his point, as much as she wanted to.

"Now. Let's go now. Before Black has enough time to leave." Severus said, standing.

"Alright. I think our Floo channel is still connected to the one in the manor."

The two men walked upstairs to the parlor in silence will Lily in tow. James flooed into the Black Manor first deciding it would be best. The last thing this situation needed was some sort of physical altercation between Severus and Sirius. When he entered the manor, it was dark and the floor was littered with debris from destroyed furniture, portraits, and alcohol bottles. It was so still that James thought for a moment that Sirius had already left. The Floo Channel flared up again and Severus joined him amongst the destruction.

"Lumos." James whispered, illuminating the room. The damage was more extensive than he last remembered. There were scorch marks and deep slashes in the walls and an overturned couch. There was a rancid odor about the place that neither man wanted to know the source of. There was a thud upstairs and before either of them could think better of it, they moved up the stairs to find it's cause, careful not to fall through the gaping hole in the center.

They found Sirius in the master bedroom, stand with his back to the door with a suitcase on either side of him. The one on the right was battered and hastily packed, articles of clothing hung out of the sides. The suitcase on the right, the one he appeared to be packing, was neatly organized. He was folding each piece of clothing by hand before gently setting it into the suitcase. There was a serene aura about him, and for a moment Severus forgot the hatred he felt towards the man.

"I was wondering when I'd see you… Severus." he said, turning to look at him then. There was no malice behind the look, and yet it still made Severus' skin crawl. Black's eyes were empty and detached. They were the eyes of a man accepting of his fate, like a prisoner about to accept the Kiss.

"Tell me," he continued, "is he alright? I know he ran to you after what happened."

Severus snarled, "You have the _audacity_ to ask about Remus? How _dare_ you! Don't pretend to care-!"

"I'm not pretending, Snape. Maybe I destroyed the best thing that's happened to me, but don't mistake my feelings. I love him. If nothing else, I know that now for sure."

The sincerity of Sirius' words struck Severus like a Stunning Spell. Lily's words came back to him; he had a chance now with Remus, but if Black's words were true… then he was still a threat to that. Severus' wand was drawn before he had a moment to think, his blood was boiling now with the need to defend what would be- what _was_- his. Luckily James' reaction was quick and he disarmed Severus before he could curse Sirius. The entire time Sirius' gaze did not waver from Severus' face. He sighed and let his eyes drift close.

"I have no plans to cause anymore trouble, Severus-"

"_Do not speak my name!_" Severus roared.

"I'm leaving. I'm leaving so I won't have a chance to hurt him any further. If I'm not around, he can heal and move on."

"You think this is_ helping_ him? How ignorant and _selfish_ can you be? Once he knows you're gone, do you know how that will effect him? You can't possibly be that _blind_!" Severus was aware of James holding him back now, but he could care less. This fool was going to hurt Remus again and he had to stop it. Subconsciously he knew that Sirius was right on some part; forcing him to stay would do nothing towards healing Remus. The gentle, auburn-haired man would remain in a painful limbo as long as the thought of Sirius loomed over his head. Yet, if Sirius left, if he disappeared completely, Remus' progress would surely unravel.

"You understand, don't you," Black spoke again, nearly pleading, "This will hurt him for now, yes. But once I've been gone long enough, he can forget. If I stay here, that can't happen."

"He'll never forget what you did to him!" Severus spat, the truth of his words shooting through both of their hearts.

There was a momentary tense silence, Severus' furious, obsidian eyes connecting with Sirius' troubled grey orbs, daring him to make another attempt at justification. Sirius sighed, turned to the haphazardly packed case, shut it, and turned back to the other men. This time, his eyes connected with James, an unvoiced apology passing between the two best friends. James nodded, his throat too thick to speak. Sirius offered him a broken smile before he picked up his own wand and the suitcase. Severus couldn't see what he picked up next, but he assumed it was a port key, as a moment later, Sirius Black was gone, sucked into the air and on his way to an unknown destination.

Severus sank to his knees, all the tension and anger suddenly gone from his body. He was shaking and breathing heavily, as if he and Sirius had actually dueled. His heart felt heavy in his chest, not only for himself, but for James, Lily, and mostly Remus. The slight bit of hope he felt towards the chance he could finally be with Remus was all but gone now. There was no way he could compete with that man. Sirius Black, as vile, arrogant, and selfish as Severus believed him to be, was sacrificing everything he knew and loved for Remus' happiness. Yet, in doing so, he was cementing his place in Remus' battered heart. Nothing he could ever say or do would wash that away. All he could do now was ignore this pain and the slick tears streaming silently down his face and try his best to hold it together when he returned home to face Remus.

_A/N: I'm soooooorry, Sev! (cries) It'll be okay, I swear!_

_Again, I thank you guys for reading, favoriting, and adding me to your alert lists. A special thanks to my reviewers __**Annabeth Volturi, Daddys little crazy bitch **__(I quite enjoy your screen name LOL), __**and**__**Tinkerbell1987.**__ And, once again, if you guys have any fic ideas you haven't seen yet or want written in any of the fandoms listed in my profile, feel free to shoot them by me and maybe I'll get them out there for you. Much love! Muahh!_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Alright, chapter 6! This is the chapter I've been waiting for since I began writing this story. In fact, I'm not even sure how long this fic will actually go. I've got the storyline already set, but breaking it into chapters… yeah, didn't think of that exactly. All well! We shall see! Read and Review! I'll love you forever!_

"W-What are you saying?"

Severus looked away from his friend, unable to stomach the look of confusion and disbelief in Remus' already pained eyes. He was beginning to regret telling James he could handle this on his own. He could barely manage to comfort Remus after the first incident, now here he was giving him another blow to the heart, courtesy of Sirius Black. Still, his heart ached from it's freshest wound. Sirius had shown a side of himself the dark-haired man never wanted to believe truly existed. He witnessed the compassion and consideration Remus once claimed was the reason he loved Sirius so much with his own eyes. He knew in his heart that the love between those two had been real before Remus' discovery. Now he could understand what drove Remus over the edge that night, three weeks ago. Something so powerful could hardly be forgotten. Replaced, maybe, but never truly forgotten. He couldn't say for certain which was more selfish: wanting Remus to forget a love so intense, or his desperate desire to fill the void so recently vacated by Remus' only true lover. He pushed those thoughts away, steeling his own anxious nerves for the aftermath of his next words.

"He's left, Remus. Black sought out James in his office and told him he planned to leave. He didn't specify where he was going. We decided it was best we gather your belongs from the house before he disappeared, so James and I went in person. He," Severus hesitated but decided Remus needed to know, "he wanted me to tell you… he's sorry." there was no hiding the bite in his voice.

"H-he just left? Just got up and abandoned everyone? But… I-I don't understand! That makes no sense!" Remus clenched his fists in his hair, struggling to make sense of his friend's tale, "Why leave? He didn't have to leave just because of me!"

Severus yearned to reach across the coffee table and offer Remus his comfort, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Instead, he continued to speak.

"Remus… I know this is difficult, but perhaps it's for the best. Maybe, now that he's gone, you can move forward." _with me, _he added silently before chastising himself for the thought. Really, how selfish could he be.

Remus laughed bitterly, "I guess… this whole time I'd just hoped there would be a chance to fix things. I thought we could at least rebuild our friendship somewhere down the line. I never let myself believe this would be permanent. After everything that's happened, I never wanted him completely out of my life. I guess he proved me wrong about him again." the bitter sarcasm in his voice was uncharacteristic and Severus hated it. A man like Remus, destined for so much pain in his lifetime already, shouldn't have to cry over the selfish acts of another. Severus' hopes dwindled down to nothing. There was simply no way he could risk causing Remus any more trouble, now or maybe ever. It was clear from Remus' confession that Sirius' hold on his heart was still deep and painful.

That thought sank into Severus' mind and his heart ached terribly. He knew he should say something, offer comforting words to the beautiful man crumbling in front of him, but his throat was thick with emotions he refused to allow Remus to see. His only thought was that he couldn't let Remus see his pain. He struggled in vain to restrain to control the emotions, but he was failing quickly.

"I'm sorry," he managed to say before standing and leaving Remus in the living room. He escaped into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him and leaning heavily against the thick mahogany. His heart felt as if it was truly shattering and littering his insides with sharp shards of his foolish hopes and desires. He struggled to breathe calmly as the tears finally broke free, all the sorrow and pain pent up in his heart pouring down his face. He couldn't stop the broken sobs escaping his throat and eventually he gave up on his battle all together, sinking to the floor. There was no reason to hide it anymore, here, locked away in his room. He buried his head in his hands and sobbed openly, letting it all spill free. It was a rare moment of vulnerability and, somewhere beneath the heartache, it was the most liberating feeling Severus had felt in a long time.

"Severus…"

The sound of Remus whispering his name through the door sent another stab through Severus' shattering heart. He curled further in on himself, attempting to quiet his crying, thinking of how ironic it was that he was once again in this position in this room. He thought those days had ended the day his father died.

"Severus, please, let me in." Remus pleaded. Almost as if he'd reverted back to his childhood, the dark-haired man shook his head, aware that Remus couldn't see his refusal.

"I'm fine, Remus. Don't worry about it." he managed, despite the cracking of his voice.

"…please…" Severus could hear the tears in Remus' voice, "Severus, please…"

His efforts to hide his vulnerability failed with those broken words. He forced himself to stand and scrubbed away his tears, doing the best he could to stop them before he opened the door. The second it cracked open Remus pushed his way through, wrapping himself tightly around Severus' midsection. Severus was shocked into stillness and Remus clung to him and sobbed openly, trembling. It was the first time he openly cried in front of Severus in weeks and this time he couldn't fully blame Black.

"Remus, why-?"

"I can't lose you, too! Whatever it is, I swear I'll fix it, but I can't lose you, too!" Remus broke further, squeezing Severus with trembling arms and sobbing incoherently. In his distress he managed to drag them both back to the ground.

"You aren't losing me, Remus." Severus whispered against his hair, stroking his back comfortingly.

"But I am! You walked away, you left just- just like he did!"

Severus' heart plummeted at Remus' words. He never wanted to be compared to Black again, especially when he couldn't exactly deny its truth.

"I'm not leaving, Remus. I just… needed a moment to collect myself. I could never leave you." Severus assured, hoping Remus would accept his answer.

He definitely didn't expect to be shoved away for his words, given the way Remus had previously been clinging to him. Angry, tear-filled, golden-hazel eyes glared at him defiantly.

"He said that, too! All the time he said he would never leave my side, and now you're telling me he's left for good! How can you say-"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!"

Silence followed Severus' proclamation, punctuated only by his own breathing, which seemed a bit too loud now. Remus' eyes were wide yet unreadable. The tears flowed slowly down his face as he searched the dark-haired man's for the truth. For once Severus couldn't bring himself to raise his defenses; he let Remus see it all, regardless of the results. Truthfully, he'd grown tired of his secrets. Remus' uncertainty was understandable. Severus never expected this to be the way he revealed his feelings to him, if he ever did.

"Remus," Severus started slowly, choosing his words carefully, "I… I won't deny my words. It's true, I do love you. And everyday for the last few weeks I've regretted not saying something earlier, for being such a fool, and… I just… I couldn't because I was afraid to lose you."

"A-and… now? Why now?" Remus asked cautiously.

"I wasn't planning on it, really… I couldn't hold it back anymore. I just wanted you to be okay, to be happy, and it seemed like- like Sirius made you happy, so I didn't say anything. I didn't say anything, but I should have. I should have never let you slip away, and I won't. Even if that means ignoring my own feelings, I won't lose you!"

The next moments will never be clear in Severus' memory, the shock of it turning them into a blur. Slowly, though, he became aware of one of the most incredible sensations of his life: a tentative press of Remus' lips to his own. They tasted sweet and salty, a mixture of tears and something so uniquely Remus Lupin. As hope was born again within the shards of his heart and he buried a hand straight to the root of those auburn strands, he swore to do all he could to never taste that mixture again.

Remus pulled away slowly, his eyes trained on Severus' parted lips before he blinked up into dark eyes.

"I… Maybe I was a fool, too, back then. I was afraid, too… of those feelings I harbored. We were kids, I barely knew a thing about you… I couldn't take the risk, especially once we actually became friends. Sirius was security, he was certainty… except, I guess, he wasn't. Maybe it's time I take that risk, anyway?"

The look of shock on Severus' face would have been comical if both of their hearts weren't hanging in the balance. He could see that Remus, too, was offering a extremely vulnerable part of himself. It was simultaneously reassuring and terrifying, causing Severus' heart to flutter. He leaned forward and tasted Remus' lips once more, just in case his next words ruined everything.

"Remus, are you sure? Please, don't… don't do this if you aren't. Don't do this just to… just to fill some void."

Remus smiled shakily, stroking Severus' cheek before dropping it to rest gently on Severus'.

"I-I can't say that I've suddenly forgotten my feelings for Sirius. I just… I can't erase those years. But… they're behind me now. I need to forward, no good will come from brooding on things. I think… I should try. _We_ should try. I don't want to miss my chance again."

Severus nodded stiffly; he honestly hadn't expected a positive result. Sure, Remus hadn't leapt into his arms and proclaimed his undying love, but to expect as much would have been delusional. Remus was a beautiful man, inside and out; just the thought of a chance with him was mind-blowing. Those golden-hazel eyes staring up at him were just so much more mesmerizing now.

A loud grumbled disrupted their moment, bringing a blush to Severus' pale cheeks. Remus smiled in earnest now, wiping at the dried trails of tears on his face before repeating the gesture on Severus' face. He stood and offered Severus his hand.

"I think we could both use a bite to eat."

_A/N: Yay! Chapter 6! The next chapter(s) will have a bit of a time skip, to help get the story further underway. So review! And thank you to those who have reviewed, and those who added me to their alert lists. Much love! Muahh!_


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Here comes chapter 7! As it turns out, this story is going to be a lot longer than I previously expected, as this isn't even really the halfway point. And I apologize for the long wait for this chapter, I'm having internet issues -_-. Hopefully you guys can bare with me, yes? This chapter is a five month time skip, to help with the time span. As always, read and review, my dears! Muaah!

"Sev," Remus called, knocking softly on the door to his home-office, "lunch is ready."

The scholar looked up as Remus entered the room, forgetting the notes he'd been so diligently taking. Remus walked toward him, his usual smile in place as he carried in the tray of sandwiches and tea. Severus' heart fluttered a bit; this was the Remus Lupin he knew. This man, so caring and nurturing, who wanted only to help those he cared for; this was the man he loved. He watched as Remus set the tray on the table beside his books and offered him a kiss, which of course he accepted gladly. It still seemed so surreal, even now, 5 months later. Maybe it was his own precautious nature, but he couldn't quite let himself feel secure with Remus just yet. It had been 5 months, yes, but things just seemed so fresh and unbelievable.

Merlin, Severus, can't you just accept your luck, this once? He chastised himself. But honestly, he couldn't. A voice in the back of his mind constantly reminded him that Remus wasn't yet fully his. The truth was, not much had changed in these past months. They shared Severus' home, but Remus still slept in a separate room and despite heavy petting and intense moments, they had yet to go much further than making out on Severus' couch. Severus was more than willing to take as much time as Remus needed, but it didn't stop his own insecurities. Maybe Remus was slowly realizing his feelings didn't run as deeply as Severus'? Or could it be he was simply afraid of losing the shelter and comfort he offered? Honestly, those thoughts tore at his sanity constantly, but he couldn't voice them, in fear of Remus' response. Now that he had even this fragile bond with Remus, he was terrified of doing anything to destroy it.

"What's on your mind?" Remus asked, perched on the edge of Severus' desk, watching his face.

"I'm just trying to recall whether Professor Hawthorne mentioned the properties of dragon heartstring being on the exam." He replied, turning back to his notes.

"Oh," Remus said, satisfied by the answer, "surely you would have written that down if he had, right?"

Severus nodded, pretending to shuffle through the pages of his notes, "I don't think I did."

"Well," Remus smiled, "it's time for you to take a break anyway."

He pushed a sandwich toward Severus, not allowing him the time to protest the forced break. Severus sighed in defeat, glancing up at Remus before resigning himself to having a quick lunch. He'd been studying for hours; 10 minutes for lunch wouldn't hurt. He was pleasantly surprised by the crunch of cucumber when he took his first bite. It must have shown on his face, because Remus laughed.

"You like it then? I wasn't sure if you would, I've been told I have strange tastes." The happiness and relief in Remus' eyes was endearing. Severus reached up and pulled Remus down and into a kiss. The soft moan Remus offered encouraged him as he coaxed Remus' lips apart and their tongues united between them. He was vaguely aware of Remus' hand snaking up to rest in his own hair. There was heat and lust in Remus' eyes when they finally separated, causing Severus' heart to leap. That look was hungry; nearly predatory… it was sexy. But Remus blinked, and that look was replaced by one of confusion and something else Severus couldn't quite place before Remus cleared his throat, looked away, and stood.

"I-I think I'll go continue some reading of my own. Make sure you finish your sandwich, Severus. And don't forget, we're supposed to visit Lily, James, and little Harry later today."

With that, Remus escaped the room. Severus sighed, sinking further into his chair and running a hand through his hair. This wasn't how he expected things with Remus to go. These mixed signals were killing him, but he couldn't voice his frustrations. He didn't want Remus to feel forced or rushed but there was only so much a man could take! He frowned, popping the last bit of his sandwich into his mouth and returning to his notes. Perhaps later he would attempt to speak with Remus on the matter. For right now, though, he had work to do.

~~~~

"It took you two long enough! Come in, Lily is in a mood, but maybe she'll be nicer with you guys here."

Remus and Severus followed James into the living room, casting each other cautionary glances. Lily's bad moods were legendary; it was best to avoid being the target of her wrath. It seemed James hadn't yet mastered that skill.

"James! Didn't I tell you to- oh? Oh! You're here! James didn't tell me you were on the way." Lily shot her husband a glare, swept her fiery hair into a quick bun, and embraced the two men.

"Pardon the mess. _James _was supposed to watch Harry so I could clean up a bit, but the berk can't seem to even take charge of a three month old baby."

"It's not my fault he wouldn't stop crying for me! Clearly he wanted his mother and who am I to deny him that? Besides, the house is fine. There's hardly a thing out of place."

Lily's glare hardened and James realized his mistake too late.

"Well, if his _father_ weren't such a pansy and could recognize that his _son_ needs to be changed, then his _mother_ might not have had to rush and get the place back into a semi-decent order!"

"But, Lily, you're just so much better at it than me! I-"

"Don't worry, Lil! The house looks great! Now, where's my adorable little godson?" Remus said with a grin, stepping in between the couple and perhaps saving James' life. The look Lily gave James over Remus' shoulder promised unpleasant things in his future. Remus could smell the panic and fear it caused in his best friend and barely managed to stifle a laugh. Only Lily could produce such a reaction from James with a glare. For a small woman he had to admit she was terrifying at times.

Lily led Remus into the hall and up the stairs. After a moment's hesitation Severus followed, leaving James to ponder what exactly he'd just gotten himself into. By the nearly sick look on his face, it wasn't going to be pleasant. As the dark-haired, former Slytherin caught up to them he heard Lily ranting about how thick-headed and simple James could be at times. He smiled, laughing a bit on the inside. Perhaps they had come to a truce, but that didn't mean he couldn't take pleasure in James' suffering.

The trio paused outside a door just to the left of the upstairs landing. There was soft cooing coming from within the room, the sounds of a baby entertaining himself instead of sleeping. Lily's shoulders visibly relaxed as she opened the door slowly, quietly. Remus and Severus followed her in but stayed near the door, unwilling to disturb Lily's moment with her son. She cradled the baby, cooing softly to him and tickling him affectionately. Little Harry giggled, reaching for her hand but not quite able to control his hands enough to grab her fingers. She smiled at him, apparently forgetting her earlier agitation. Who knew all it took to pacify Lily was a giggling baby boy?

"Uncle Remmie is here, Harry. He's here to see you. Do you want to see uncle Remmie, Harry? Hmmm? Do you?"

Remus smiled broadly, stepping forward to accept the squirming baby. Severus watched the careful way he handled Harry, holding him close and rocking him gently. He seemed so happy to have Harry in his arms, as if that simple bit of contact meant the world to him. Severus felt ridiculous for the bit of jealousy he felt teasing the back of his mind. This was a baby, for Merlin's sake! If even an infant was getting more affection than he was, he really needed to talk to Remus. The man had been willing to give their relationship a chance so soon after an immense blow to the heart, surely he would be willing to hear him out…right?

_Get a hold of yourself, Severus! You sound like a 14 year old Hufflepuff _he scolded himself silently, looking to Lily. She, too, was watching Remus interact with her son, a sort of fond smile playing across her face. But her eyes held a hint of pain, as if she was also recalling the events that led Remus to Severus. She glanced at him then and offered him a smile that spoke far too much of sympathy for his place in the matter. He broke eye contact, unable to stand it.

At that moment Harry began to wriggle and whine despite Remus' attempts to quiet him. He bounced the baby in his arms but that just seemed to upset him even more. The look of contentment morphed quickly into one of bewilderment and shock when Harry emptied the contents of his stomach onto Remus' shoulder and sleeve.

"Lily!" Remus cried out, holding Harry at arms length so as not to dirty the baby with his own sick.

The red-head laughed and retrieved her son, putting him over her shoulder and patting his back softly. Severus noted the baby blanket thrown over her shoulder to protect her own clothing in case of a repeat incident; Lily truly was genius when it came to Harry.

"Sorry, Moony-love. I forgot to mention the reason Harry's been fussy is because his stomach's been a bit upset all day. Why don't you take that shirt off and I'll wash it for you? You can wear one of James' in the mean time."

Remus nodded, paling a bit as he looked at the mess on his shirt. Lily laughed again and left the room with Harry to go retrieve a shirt for him to change into. He began unbuttoning his shirt but hesitated at the fourth button.

"What?" Severus asked softly, not realizing how intently he was watching Remus undress. Remus blushed in response.

"Can you- Could you-?" he stammered, not meeting Severus' eyes.

"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Remus didn't answer, "Remus, I've seen you shirtless countless times! You know I could care less about any scars or imperfections. It's not as if my body is much better!"

When Remus still didn't respond, Severus quite literally took matters into his own hands. He stepped toward Remus and began unbuttoning his shirt, despite Remus squawk of dismay. The auburn-haired man attempted to hold his shirt closed but Severus batted his hands away and slid his hands inside. He ran them up Remus' torso and to his shoulders, savoring the warmth of the flesh beneath his fingers. What began as him making a point quickly morphed into something else as Remus leaned in suddenly, kissing him roughly and drawing their hips together. Severus pushed the shirt from Remus' shoulders and it pooled around his feet as he buried his fingers in Remus' silken hair. Merlin, he'd always loved that hair.

A cough came from the door way and the two jumped apart, a bright blush across both of their faces, though Severus couldn't say if it was arousal or embarrassment. They glanced at each other before breaking eye contact. Lily laughed at the display before approaching Remus and handing him a shirt.

"Here, it's one of James' smaller shirts. It shouldn't be too bad on you. You better dress quickly, as it seems Severus can't keep his hands off of you when you're shirtless."

Remus sputtered in response, causing Severus' blush to deepen and Lily to laugh yet again. The werewolf turned away from both of them, shrugging on the shirt quickly and buttoning it. Severus shot Lily a glare that only served to make her laugh harder.

"Alright, alright, I'll stop! It was just… amusing."

The trio returned down stairs to find James playing with Harry, bouncing him up and down in his lap, causing the baby to giggle.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, mate." Remus warned, taking a seat on the couch opposite James.

"I think I'm safe. He probably got most of it out on your shirt." James joked, yet he still set Harry down in his lap.

Severus took a seat next to Remus while Lily disappeared into the kitchen only to return a few minutes later with a tray of finger sandwiches and tea.

"I hope you guys aren't too hungry, this is all I could make in five minutes."

"It's fine, Lily. Thank you." Remus responded, helping her by taking the tray and setting it on the table.

"So! How are things at Grinkwell University?" James asked, taking a sandwich. He only managed to get a bite of it before Harry knocked it from his hands.

Remus laughed as James retrieved the sandwich from the floor and set it aside. Severus answered his questioned after a sip of the tea.

"It's going well." He said simply.

"Well?" Remus scoffed, "He's already nearly done with training! Dumbledore has offered to let him do his externship at Hogwarts!"

"Severus that's great!" Lily said, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Thanks, Lil. None of that is set in stone just yet, though." He said, playing with the handle of his cup.

"Well, Dumbledore would be a fool if he didn't go through with it."

Severus blushed at that and Remus offered him a supportive smile. He got so caught up in the affection reflecting in Remus' eyes he nearly missed Lily's next comment.

"Look at these two, giving each other lovey-dovey eyes." She cooed.

They both stiffened and Remus blushed and broke eye contact. James laughed at their discomfort.

"Come on, guys! No need to be shy. We're more than used to it by now, what with Remus and Sirius always running off somewhere to-"

Pain tore across Remus' face. Lily, James, and Severus were shocked into silence and James looked horrified by his slip up. Remus hung his head in an attempt to hide the tear that stained his cheek. He swiped it away angrily before looking back up to Lily.

"Thank you for having me, Lily. I'm sorry I can't stay longer, but I think I should go."

"Remus, wait! You don't have to-"

"No," Severus answered, "I think it may be for the best. We'll visit again some other time."

Remus had already left the living room, heading back upstairs to the parlor and the Floo Channel. He'd already thrown a handful of dust into it when Severus caught his arm, forcing him to stop. The look he got in return made his heart skip. It was full of shame and guilt.

"Remus?" he questioned, pulling Remus to his body. The werewolf wrapped himself around Severus' midsection and burying his face into Severus' neck.

"I'm sorry, Sev. It's just- when he said that, I couldn't help but… remember." He whispered, hugging him closer.

"What are you apologizing for? It's not as if I don't know you have a past with Black. But that's all it is, the past, remember?" Severus offered softly, stroking Remus' hair.

His companion searched his face for a long moment before Remus rose up slightly on his tip toes and kissed Severus gently. Severus kissed him back, slowly and gently, savoring the sweet taste of the kiss. He was only faintly aware of the sound of them moving through the Floo network and entering their home. Their lips didn't part until Remus cried out in surprise when his back collided with the wall opposite the Floo Channel. When he looked into Severus' eyes he looked genuinely surprised and… wait, was that fear? Severus was about to question it, concern showing clearly on his face, before Remus pushed him away and escaped the parlor. Severus heard hurried footsteps going down the stairs and followed, agitation rising in him. This _had_ to end today.

He followed Remus into the living room with all intentions of finally getting to the bottom of their… _intimacy _issues, but his resolve faltered upon actually finding Remus. He was visibly upset, leaning against the wall next to the kitchen door as if some mental strain was taking a toll on him. In that moment Severus forgot his anger, once again opting to push aside his own desires to ensure Remus' well-being. He approached his lover and Remus closed his eyes in an attempt to shut out Severus' face. He took a shuttering breath, and then turned his face away from Severus all together, causing the former Slytherin to frown.

"You're shaking. Remus, what's wrong?" he asked, touching Remus' face softly.

Remus jerked away nearly violently, looking Severus in the eye with a pleading gaze.

"Severus, please, could you just… could you just step back? Please?" he begged.

Severus tried to prevent the hurt from showing in his eyes but he did as he was asked. Remus relaxed visibly despite the apologetic look he gave Severus. Suddenly it felt as if there was more standing between them than three feet. A jolt of pain shot through Severus and he broke eye contact; he finally had Remus, and yet it seemed as if that meant nothing but distance and awkward moments between them. Of course that's what they would become, why had they ever thought it would be anything different? He turned to walk away but again Remus' voice stopped him.

"Wait! Severus, please!" he begged, yet he hadn't removed himself from the wall.

When Severus turned to look at his lover again, he found Remus' face twisted with guilt and shame. He heaved a sigh at his inability to remain angry with the auburn-haired man, especially when he was so clearly in distress. Severus could never abandon Remus when he needed him. At the very least he could say he differed from Black in that manner. He silently chastised himself; Remus hadn't compared him to Black once during their relationship, at least not aloud, yet here he was doing it for him. Was his self-esteem truly so low that he needed to compare himself to Black constantly to assure himself that he was indeed the better partner for Remus?

"I-I'm sorry, Severus. I know I haven't been good to you, I keep pushing you away, and I'm sorry. I really am; I'm trying, but I just… I can't fight it."

_Trying to fight what? Is he still thinking of Black? Is that why he'll barely let me kiss him? Is it because he's still yearning for Black?_ Severus physically shook his head. These thoughts would surely drive him mad.

"What are you saying, Remus? What is it you're fighting?" he asked, returning to Remus but leaving plenty of room between them.

Remus hung his head, his shame emanating from him in waves. He was silent for a long moment, trembling but giving an obvious effort not to be noticed.

"I-I've just…I've never felt this before. I-I don't w-want to scare you."

"Scare me?" Severus' brow contracted with concern, "Scare me? Remus, I found out you were a werewolf when you nearly tore my face off and that didn't scare me off. So what could you possibly do that would?"

Severus' attempt at humor fell flat as Remus winced at the reminder of that night long ago. He wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to comfort himself. He still refused to look Severus in the eye as he took a shuttering breath.

"Sirius… was my first. He was the only lover I ever had. Yet, even with him… I never felt this way before. When… whenever we touch, or you kiss me… I get this… this serge of energy and an intense… _desire _to just… to-"

Remus couldn't bring himself to finish his confession as another visible shiver ran down his spine. His cheeks flushed to an intense bright red and suddenly Severus understood. He felt heat rise to his own cheeks and fought the urge to laugh in relief. It felt amazing to not only know that all Remus feared was his attraction to Severus, but that he himself confessed that the feeling was more intense than it had been with Black. Despite his best attempts a soft chuckle escaped.

"Remus, I've been trying to figure out what's standing between us for months now and, as it turns out, it's you."

Remus' head snapped up at that. There was a look of surprise and panic on his face.

"What do you mean by that? I- Severus, I'm trying to protect our relationship, not ruin it!"

"No, no," Severus stepped forward, cupping Remus' face for reassurance, "I'm not blaming you for anything. What I'm saying is… you don't have to be afraid of whatever it is you're feeling. Don't hold it back from me, please; I want you to express it. I've been trying to figure out why you keep shying away from my attempts to _show_ you how I feel, wondering if somehow I'd done something wrong-"

"Severus, no! You've done nothing wrong! You're- you're perfect! I was just… trying to make sure I didn't ruin it." Remus broke eye contact, opting instead to study the dark, stained wood floor.

Severus laughed again, "Remus, how could letting me kiss you or… make love to you ruin our relationship?"

Remus' blush deepened and he knew the answer before Remus even spoke. _Of course; Black._

"…I've only ever been with one other person… Sirius was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first lover… I've always thought maybe we rushed into having sex that first time. We'd only been together a few weeks when it happened…," he glanced at Severus, "I just wanted to do things right this time…"

"Remus," Severus sighed, resting their foreheads together, "I love you. I loved you long before we even started this relationship. If you want to slow things down, you could have just told me. I can do that; I _will_ do that for _you_. Just tell me."

"No…"

Severus pulled back to look into Remus eyes, confused by the sudden husky tone of his lover's voice. The arousal that suddenly stared at him was shocking.

"Severus," Remus practically moaned his name, causing certain parts of his anatomy to react, "I don't want to wait anymore. Merlin, I don't think I _can_."

Remus leaned up and captured Severus' lips, moaning hungrily as he poured everything into that kiss. Severus could taste the hunger, the desperate desire Remus had been holding back from him for so long. He couldn't help the startled moan that escaped him as he clutched at Remus' waist and deepened the kiss. His mind blurred with the sudden passionate assault. He tightened his grip on Remus' thin hips; surely if he let go now Remus would slip away and all of this would prove to be a dream. Hands buried themselves in his hair and Remus gasped a breath before nipping at Severus' lower lip. The mild tingle of pain only served to heighten his pleasure and assure him that this was reality. Not even in his dreams did Remus kiss him like that.

He was so caught up in their joined lips that the sudden cool air on his back honestly surprised him. Warm hands chased his shirt as it fell from his torso, sending a tremor down his spine. Remus pulled Severus against himself with surprising strength. They separated and Remus growled deep in his throat. The sound shot straight to Severus' groin. He placed his hands on Remus' shoulders and forced their bodies apart, much to the displeasure of both of them. Remus whimpered, his face pleading silently. Arousal was clear in his eyes. Severus smirked as Remus clutched at his arms, desperate for some sort of contact. He'd read about this in his study of werewolves. Their libidos were legendary, really. To think that Remus was experiencing the full effect of his lycanthropic sex drive for the first time in the arms of Severus Snape! There'd been a time when that would have been laughable, a cruel joke, but now it was reality. Severus wasn't willing to let this chance slip through his fingers.

He cupped Remus' face, smoothing his thumbs across his cheeks in an attempt to calm them both. Remus would have none of that. He pulled Severus back in, kissing him with the same passion as before, sending Severus' head spinning again. Severus pulled away, locking Remus' hands above his head as he moved his attention to the sensitive pulse point of his throat. Remus moaned, writhing against Severus, muttering incoherently. Severus released Remus' wrists to slide his hands along that lithe, toned figure, surprised when Remus' hands boldly dove straight for his zipper. He couldn't help the broken cry he gave when Remus' warm fingers wrapped around his length. Their eyes connected the passion and desire between them nearly palpable. Severus could scarcely concentrate with the sinful things Remus' hands were doing to him, but somehow he managed to unbutton Remus' shirt and pants. The soft thump of his belt buckle hitting the floor had never been so satisfying. Severus let himself admire Remus' form, especially the proud erection staring back at him. He glanced back at Remus, asking silently for permission. Remus groaned, his eyes slipping closed as he pushed Severus to his knees. Severus didn't even have a moment to think before Remus was pushing the dark-red head of his cock against his lips.

Severus would never admit it aloud, but he had quite the oral fixation. He was fascinated by soft, full lips and couldn't help but think of what it might feel like to have Remus wrap his lips around his prick. It was true that in his few sexual encounters he had a tendency to prolong foreplay because of his kink for oral play. But what he loved more than receiving oral sex was giving it. There was something so pleasurable about a thick cock sliding between his lips and across his tongue. From the sordid sounds Remus emitted and the tremble of his thighs, his lover enjoyed it, too. Remus whimpered his name, feeding his cock into the delicious heat that was Severus' talented mouth, unable to stop even as he cried out his orgasm. Severus was relentless, sucking down every drop of his werewolf's essence. Once Remus was spent, Severus pulled away, watching post-orgasmic spasms shake Remus' frame. He smiled at the sight as Remus slowly slid down the wall, trying to catch his breath. Then Remus' gaze was back on him, the arousal still showing in his eyes shocked Severus. He definitely wasn't expecting it when Remus pushed him over so that he was lying on his back across the kitchen doorway. Severus realized then that Remus' erection hadn't so much as softened even after his orgasm.

Severus watched incredulously as Remus crawled between his legs, his body language much more like a large, predatory cat than the wolf he was supposed to be. Without a moments hesitation Remus engulfed Severus' cock to the hilt. The pleasure that flooded Severus' body was intense. He couldn't control the way his hips pumped his cock into Remus' eager mouth. He moaned and cried out openly, unable and unwilling to restrain himself when he finally had Remus to himself.

Suddenly, however, Remus let Severus slip from his mouth. He moaned Severus' name, forcing Severus to open his eyes to look at him. The sight that greeted him was breathtaking and would no doubt be the source of many wet dreams and fantasies for the rest of his days. Remus crouched above him, his shirt hanging haphazardly around him. His skin was slick and flushed, his face clearly showing his aroused state. His lips trembled slightly with each gasped breath, but what really caught Severus' attention was Remus' left hand. He couldn't actually see the appendage, but it was clear by his arm's movement what Remus was doing. Each time Remus' fingers delved into his own body, his eyes darkened. He watched Severus closely as he prepared himself, feeding off of his arousal.

"I want you inside me, Severus." He moaned, slipping his fingers from his body, "Let me make love to you."

Severus said nothing; he couldn't bring himself to speak. Instead he lifted Remus' hips, helping his lover lower himself until they were joined in the most intimate way. Remus shuttered in Severus' lap, enjoying the stretch of Severus' girth more than he'd ever expected. He attempted to stay still, giving himself a chance to adjust to and savor the feeling, but his hips would hear nothing of it. He squirmed, rolling his hips and moaning softly to himself at the small sparks of pleasure it caused. He felt Severus tense beneath him and smirked mischievously, rattling his hips with purpose. Severus grabbed his hips forcing him to still while he clenched his jaw to stave off his orgasm.

"Remus, wait. _Merlin_, stop doing that, just for a second." He groaned, trying to catch his breath.

Remus leaned down and licked a hot streak up Severus' collar bone. His dark-haired lover groaned, losing the little control he'd regained. He lifted Remus and slammed him back down onto his stiff shaft. Remus cried out in ecstasy and quickly caught on, bouncing eagerly in Severus' lap. Their pleasure quickly built to blistering heights. Severus clenched his eyes shut, hoping to hold off for just a few more minutes. His attempts were in vein, however, when Remus screamed loudly and white, hot liquid squirted onto Severus' chest, catapulting him straight into his own orgasm. He road the waves of pleasure into blissful oblivion, barely conscious of Remus' exhausted form collapsing onto his chest until the werewolf let out a soft hiss as he slid off of Severus' softening member. Severus forced his eyes open to look at his lover.

"You okay?" he asked groggily.

Remus nodded, his face buried in Severus shoulder. He kissed the taller man's shoulder and nuzzled further into his warmth. Severus chuckled softly to himself, stroking Remus' hair, not even caring that they were about to doze off on the living room floor. Nothing could possibly destroy this bliss.

"HOLY-!" Lily shrieked, covering her face.

"LILY!" Remus sprang up, pulling his shirt down to cover his crotch. Severus hurriedly grabbed his discarded pants, tugging them on as he cursed quietly. Their faces were deep shades of crimson.

"I'm so sorry, guys! I j-just wanted to makes sure Remus was okay." She apologized from behind her hands.

"He's fine, I assure you." Severus spat, his embarrassment drawing out his defensive side.

"You didn't have to worry about me, Lil." Remus said, also pulling on his pants.

"Clearly. Merlin, Severus, couldn't make it to the bed?"

"Lily Julianne Potter, get out of my house!" Severus shrieked.

Lily laughed all the way back upstairs and through the Floo channel. Remus buried his face in his hands, still scarlet-faced.

"You know she's going to tell James don't you?" he muttered.

"SHITE!"

_A/N: Hehehe! Poor babies ^_^ Hope that makes up for my hiatus, my loves. I'll try to post again soon, be patient. Love you guys! Muahh!_


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Hello my dears! I'm back with chapter 8! I know a few of you wanted to see James' reaction to the events of the last chapter, but it doesn't fit into the plot advancement I want, so I've written it as a short side story you can find on my profile ^_^. Anyway, I quite enjoy this chapter, hopefully you will, too. Reviews make me super happy, so review away! Muaah!_

"Severus, my boy, how good it is to see you."

The aged Hogwarts Headmaster smiled brightly at his former student, his eyes filled with that familiar sparkle. He clapped a hand onto Severus' shoulder affectionately, steering him into his spacious office. The smell of Honeyduke's mint hot chocolate assaulted him the moment they crossed the threshold, but he forced a weak smile. His was already nervous and the nauseous scent of that sickeningly sweet substance wasn't helping to soothe his stomach in the least. It also didn't help that he absolutely hated the smell of mint. To mix mint and chocolate was a crime against nature, truly, but he was in no place to voice his opinion.

Dumbledore directed him into a seat before taking his own place on the other side of his large, mahogany desk. The anxiety must have shown on Severus' face, because the wise man offered him a reassuring smile before pushing a crystal dish toward him. It was filled with small candies wrapped in assorted colored plastic, sitting atop what Severus assumed were chocolate frog packages, if the soft croaks were anything to judge by.

"Care for a sweet before we begin, Severus? It may help you relax." He suggested unassumingly.

Severus shook his head, "No, I'm fine. Thank you, sir."

"Oh, come now, Severus! After all these years I've known you, I think you'd earned the right to call me Albus."

"But, sir-!"

"Ah, ah, Severus! I get the respect of my colleagues and employees because I earn it, not because I demand it. Now, should we get to business, then?"

Severus nodded, straightening his posture subconsciously. Dumbledore chuckled softly. Severus could deny his anxiety as much as he liked, but it was written all over his face and in his body language. But if he wished to deny it, so be it.

"As I told you when I first approached you about the position, Professor Slughorn would like to retire by the end of the school year. Because of this, he's agreed to help you complete your training and transition you into the position over the course of this year. There are some requirements on your end, however-"

"W-wait!" Severus stammered, "Wait, what? I-I've already got the position?"

Albus grinned, "But of course, my boy! Honestly, you doubt yourself far too much! You've shown an aptitude for potions since your first year, and your performance in University is beyond exceptional. Who else would I consider for the post?"

"But I… I'd thought this was an interview, not that you were making your decision today!" Severus said, the shock evident on his face.

"Well, for all intents and purposes, this is an interview. You just happen to be the only person being considered for the position. Now, the requirements: As requested by Professor Slughorn, you are to begin an individual specialized course under his administration twice a week starting next week. Once those have been completed, you will begin to act as a teacher's aid, to learn the mechanics of running a potions class. Once he's convinced you're ready, he'll allow you to teach the class yourself once a week."

Severus couldn't speak. He simply nodded numbly as Albus continued on to describe the teacher's break schedule and the responsibility that came with having free-reign of the school's library. His mind was racing; never had he actually allowed himself to believe he would get the position so easily, despite Remus and Lily's insistences. His heart was pounding and the unbelievable joy bubbling within him wanted to burst free. Merlin, he had to tell Remus!

"Wait!" Severus blurted out, interrupting Dumbledore's ramblings. "I don't have to move back to the castle do I? Remus, he's been staying with me, and-"

"Don't worry yourself, Severus," Albus chuckled, "I'm aware of the matters between yourself and Remus. You are free to choose off-campus lodging for now. I simply have to connect your home to our Floo Network. However, once you begin to teach Potions on your own, you may find it easier to reside here. If that is indeed your choice, I can arrange something to both of your likings. I try to be a fair Headmaster, you see."

"Sir- Dumbledore- Albus, I-" he stammered, unable to voice his gratitude.

"No need, son, no need. Now, I do believe the man we've been waiting for has just arrived."

Severus whipped around in his chair as the door to the Headmaster's office opened and in limped Professor Slughorn, aided by the cane clutched in his right hand. He waddled a bit as he attempted to quicken his gait, having realized Severus was already there.

"Severus! How good to see you! I've heard all the good news, of course. Congratulations on graduating Suma Kun Laude! Of course I never had my doubts, as bright as you are. Though, I must admit my disappointment that Lily didn't follow you to University."

"I assure you, Horace, she is quite accomplished in her own right. She was well into her Healer's training before she fell pregnant with Harry, if you recall." Dumbledore intervene before Severus could speak.

"Yes, yes. A waste of talent, if I say; Healers don't do nearly as much potions work as they use to. Maybe once the boy is old enough, she'll continue in her training." The heavy, aging man said, more to himself than the other two men.

"Right, now, Horace, I've just finished explaining to Severus the stipulations of his transition into the Potions Master position. I believe I've covered everything but the official tour of the Potions department, is there anything I missed?"

"Oh, that can wait, Albus. It's nothing the boy hasn't already seen! I came for a bit of that hot chocolate and to have a _private_ conversation with you."

A look passed between the men and Severus felt like he was once again a student interrupting some sort of secret conversation he wasn't meant to know about.

"I'll just be going then… Albus…sir. I should be getting back to Remus anyway. The full was only a few nights ago, and-"

"Oh! Yes, Remus is here, isn't he?" Slughorn said casually, pouring himself some hot chocolate.

"What? He is? Why?" Severus asked.

Slughorn glanced at him, "Visiting Poppy, of course. He drops by every few months or so to see her, some sort of promise he made to her, I think." He answered nonchalantly.

"Oh… I suppose I'll join them, then. Good day, Headmaster, Professor."

Severus excused himself before they could reply to him, partially propelled by excitement, and partially propelled by the desire to see Remus, despite the fact that they'd only been apart for a few hours.

He found Remus perched on a hospital bed, slowly pulling his shirt back onto his shoulders. The werewolf jumped at his entrance before grinning and easing off of the bed.

"How did it go, Severus? When will you know their decision for sure?" he asked with an excited grin. Severus couldn't help but smile back.

"They informed me of their decision about ten minutes ago, actually." He answered, refusing to go into further detail until Remus prompted him.

"Alright, and what did they decide? They didn't give it to someone else, did they?" Remus asked, nervously biting his lip as he smoothed Severus' hair. The dark-haired man smiled and shook his head, pulling Remus' hands from his hair.

"I begin working with Slughorn next Monday." He answered simply.

Remus' face lit up and Severus' breath hitched. He simply would never get over how beautiful this man was. Remus cupped his face with both hands and kissed him deeply before breaking away, a look of giddy happiness on his face.

"I'm so happy for you, Severus! This is great! I mean, Lily and I always knew you could do it anyway, but this is just so amazing!"

The werewolf wrapped his lover in a tight hug, causing Severus to chuckle a bit before pushing him away.

"I wasn't expecting them to make a decision so readily. Though, I can't say I'm not pleased with their choice."

"'Pleased with their choice?' Come on, now, Severus, it's perfectly fine to admit you're excited! Say it, say you're excited!"

"I'm excited." Severus admitted, smiling sheepishly.

"Better." Remus said, wrapping his arms around Severus' neck and giving him a peck on his cheek. Severus wrapped his arms around Remus' midsection and lifted him to spin him around in a rare moment of spontaneity. Unfortunately, mid turn, he felt one of Remus' rubs shift beneath his hand and the werewolf cried out in pain, causing Severus to immediately let go. Remus crumbled to the floor, clutching his ribcage and trying to catch his breath. His eyes were clenched shut and his face was pale and contorted with pain. Severus knelt down beside his lover, automatically placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. He brushed back Remus' bangs.

"Is it broken again?" he asked. Remus hissed and nodded.

"Poppy gave me a bone-growing potion only an hour or so ago," he managed to say between clenched teeth, "They're still fragile."

"She's going to have to reset it, love. I have to go get her, okay?" Severus whispered, stroking Remus' hair, "I'll be right back."

Severus crossed the infirmary in a few wide strides and stormed into the mediwitch's office. She jumped and was about to chastise Severus for his rude entry before she noticed the panic on his face.

"Dear Lord, Severus! When did you even get here? What's wrong?"

"Remus' rib needs to be reset, I-I…"

"Hush, hush, now. I'll see to Mr. Lupin. You just calm yourself. It's not the first time he's set back his own recovery." She said, pushing passed the soon to be Potions master.

Severus watched from the doorway of her office as she levitated Remus back onto the bed, forced him to lay flat on the bed and muttered an incantation while waving her wand over his ribcage. As the minutes tolled by Remus' face began to relax until the mediwitch stopped her work and stepped away from the auburn-haired man.

"Alright, it's been reset. I'll just go find a numbing potion for you. The bone repair potion should still work fine, as long as there are no more incidents, young man."

"You're too good to me, Poppy." Remus said softly, smiling despite his pain.

As she left to acquire the necessary potion, Severus moved back to his lover's bedside.

"I'm sorry, Moony, really I am."

"Don't stress it, Severus. It's just a… side effect of being what I am. Having your bones break and reform twice in one night every month takes its toll out on them eventually. Though, my body is holding out much better than some; it just can't hold out forever... This last full moon was just… rougher than others, for some reason."

"You shouldn't have to suffer that way! I swear, I'll find a way to help, to stop this, okay? I will, I'll find a way."

"That's sweet, Sev." Remus said sadly, taking his lover's hand.

"No," Severus insisted, "I will. I may not be able to cure lycanthropy, but I can help you and everyone else who has to suffer this way. I'm going to do what I can."

Remus lifted his hand to his lips and kissed it, "You really don't have to go through that trouble. People have been trying for centuries to find a cure or some sort of remedy to no avail. I accepted my fate years ago. Don't throw away your life and time for something you can't change or control."

The sorrowful resignation was heart-wrenching. It served only to cement Severus' determination. He was about to tell Remus again that he would do anything to help, but Poppy returned just then, potion in hand. Severus leaned down and pecked Remus' forehead before excusing himself. There was only one man he needed to talk to now.

He found Slughorn in his office, reviewing what he could only assume were failed tests, judging by the grimace on Slughorn's face. The aged wizard jumped but relaxed upon recognizing Severus.

"Severus! I hadn't expected to see you again until Monday. What can I do for you?" he asked with a smile.

"I need you to help me find a cure for lycanthropy."

_A/N: Oh! Cliffhanger! Duh duh duuuuuuh! LOL This chapter was rushed, I wrote it in about an hour and a half to give you guys something to keep your faith. I truly do love my readers, followers, and reviewers. I'll start working on the next chapter the second this is posted! So review! Much love! Muaahhh!_


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: Alright, chapter 9! This little turn in the plot was something I was iffy about at first, but I decided to do it anyway. I just love a 'Severus-invented-Wolfbane-potion-for-Remus' story! ^_^ I've taken other liberties, why not this one? Hope you all enjoy, as we're nearing the middle of our story! And as usual, I love reviews, so don't be afraid to write one! Much love! Muahh!_

"Severus," Professor Slughorn spoke slowly, "you do know all the previous attempts to cure lycanthropy ended in not only the death of the lycanthropic patient, but the witch or wizard making such an attempt. Why, the last one to even get close to a break through was Isaac Hugo, over in the Americas."

"Yes, sir, I know this is quite the challenge, but-"

"You really care for that boy, don't you?" Slughorn said, smirking knowingly.

Severus didn't bother to deny it. He pressed on instead.

"My feelings for Remus are not my only reason for wanting to take on this project. It's… a chance to test my abilities as a true Potions Master. Untold amounts of glory will surely come to the wizard or… _wizards_ to cure lycanthropy. Their names would grace the pages of every advanced potions and history textbooks written for eternity."

Slughorn's intrigue was clear in the gleam of his eyes.

"I never suspected you were a man that put much value in glory, Severus." Slughorn noted casually, turning back to the papers at hand. His question was clear to both of them; Severus couldn't help but chuckle.

"It is true; I have no need for glory or fame. But you, professor, have never made your thirst for it a secret. This mission has become personal to me, and it is, I have no doubt, a chance to truly test my abilities, and yours if you'll join me. Should we be successful, as I fully intend, rest assured our names will share joined accreditation. You will never stand in the shadow of your former students again."

Silence passed between them as the older of the two contemplated this turn of events. It was clear that the prospect of eternal glory was enticing, but he could not completely ignore the incredibly high risks of such a venture. As the silence continued to stretch Severus feared his words may have been too brash; perhaps the experienced Potions Master simply wasn't up to the task. Truthfully, Severus knew he needed Slughorn's expertise and experience, but if he could not convince the man, he would continue none the less. Just as he was about to revoke the invitation and contemplate his other options, the elder wizard stood from his seat and looked him in the eye.

"You are not a foolish man, Severus. I don't think I have to note the danger this endeavor will involve. Your proposition calls for dedication, perseverance, and diligence. I will expect nothing less than your complete devotion to this venture; no distractions; no excuses. Do you understand?"

"Of course, sir; I wouldn't offer anything less." Severus responded, his eye contact unwavering.

"Then I expect that your next destination is the restricted section of our fair library. There are a few texts you will need to be familiarized with before we begin our personal research." Slughorn quickly scrawled the titles of several books onto a piece of parchment and handed it to his protégée. Severus scanned the list for a moment.

"I've read all of these except _Of Fur and Fang _by R. L. Beauvais. What is this?"

"It's a paper written by a former student of mine. It offers what is arguably the most in-depth, detailed examination of the werewolf's transformation and the effects of the lycanthropy-virus, both physically and psychologically. The paper was never widely published, there are only two complete copies of the paper: my personal copy, and the one found in the library."

"Why is that?" Severus asked slowly, hoping his suspicions were incorrect.

"I requested it of him personally."

"You asked him to-!" Severus shrieked, outraged to the point of shaking.

"This is hardly the first time I've considered making an attempt to cure lycanthropy, Severus, and when the opportunity to study the mental and physical workings of an adolescent werewolf presented itself, I could not pass it up. I had full access to Mr. Lupin's medical records while he attended Hogwarts and Madame Pomphrey allowed me to assist in a few of his post-transformation examinations- all with his permission of course. The potential for success was… unimaginable. Unfortunately on my own there was too much risk to achieve much more than a small accumulation of in-depth research information. Remus would have simply been too young to act as a test subject anyway, even if he had given consent. But I believe that now, together, we may have an honest chance. I would not even consider your proposal if I didn't believe we could accomplish great things."

"You will not use me or him in your superficial attempts for fame or glory! I regret ever suggesting it!" Severus spat, turning to storm away.

"You and I both know the only way this can succeed is if we work together. You cannot do this alone and neither can I. You have the talent, yes, but I have the experience and discipline you need if you even wish to even come close to success."

"I can find another partner!"

"Not one who has an intimate knowledge of your abilities and knows how to push you the way you need to be pushed."

Severus glared at him in silence, studying his former professor's face closely. He could not deny the invaluable resource that was Horace Slughorn. He was a skilled Potions Master, yes, but his true value came with the connections he held with all the powerful names of the Wizarding world. He was a man of great influence, which would prove of great use when it came down to it. To even attempt what Severus was suggesting would require a permit from the Ministry, which would be much easier and faster to obtain with a man like Horace Slughorn's name tied to the project. His mind told Severus that Slughorn was indeed the logical choice in a partner, but he was still uneasy about the information newly revealed to him.

"I'll see you in the library at 2 pm Monday afternoon, Severus. I expect by then you'll have a thorough knowledge understanding of Mr. Lupin's paper." The professor said with finality, turning his attention from Severus completely in dismissal.

~~

Severus found Remus in the guest bedroom when he returned home, curled up on the bed watching TV. He remained at the door for a moment, watching Remus' rapt attention on the glowing box and making a mental note to move it into the living room or their bedroom before gently clearing his throat.

Remus jumped, his attention snapping over to Severus.

"O-Oh! Severus! You're, uh, home. How long've you been standing there?" he asked, his brow scrunching sheepishly.

"Not too long, though if I'd meant you harm, I could have cast at least 10 hexes and you would've been none the wiser." Severus joked, offering Remus a wary smile. Remus looked away.

"Remus," he sighed, "I'm sorry if I upset you earlier, I just- I can't just stand by and watch you give up so easily. Lycanthropy is just a disease, and just like any other disease there's always a way to overcome it-"

"I want to help. I want to help you find a cure or a treatment, whatever we can do to change this… this werewolf-branding. I'd always thought I was living well for someone like me, for a werewolf. But, you made me realize, I don't want that. I want to live a _full_ life, not a full _werewolf_ life. There are plenty of people out there who would love to see me lie down and accept my death like so many other werewolves. They think I should have been left to die the second I was bitten," he grinned, looking back up at his lover, "As it turns out, I'm not so good at doing what I'm 'supposed to'."

Severus couldn't form the words to express the affection and pride swelling in his heart. He strode over to Remus, whose face morphed from one of defiant mischief to confusion, gripped his face and kissed him deeply. Remus squeaked, instinctively gripping Severus hand and returning the kiss. When Severus finally pulled away they grinned at each other, each running their fingers through the other's hair.

"I love you. You're so… incredible. I don't know how you do it." He laughed, kissing Remus again.

"I-uh… Thanks? Does that mean you'll let me help?"

"You are quite good at research and information gathering. Though it's simply too dangerous to allow you to work on the potion itself."

"Because I'm awful at potions?"

"Yes."

Remus laughed at that, swatting Severus' shoulder before pulling him onto the bed beside him.

"Watch TV with me. Surely you don't need to start your work right away, right?"

"No," Severus said, wrapping an arm around Remus, "I suppose I can begin tomorrow. But I… I got a rather interesting reading assignment."

"Oh?" Remus said, already becoming absorbed in the TV drama again.

Severus removed a loosely bound booklet from his bag and placed it on Remus' lap, watching him closely for his response. At first Remus barely offered it a passing glance, but he did a double-take, blanching a bit.

"H-How-?" he stammered, staring at the cover page as if he'd seen a ghost.

"Professor Slughorn kept a copy. This one, however, was from the Restricted Section of Hogwarts' Library."

"I…never thought I'd see this thing again." Remus admitted softly, "He asked me to write it so long ago… 5th year, I think. I kept track of all my transformations and anything that might affect the wolf's state of mind afterward. My moods, fights I had with friends, hunger, exhaustion, stress, the weather, everything. This is… sort of like a journal of my entire 5th year. Well, not really. I left out the more intimate details."

"Are you okay? With me reading it, I mean?" Severus asked, watching Remus' face closely.

The werewolf nodded quickly, "Yeah. Yeah, of course. That's why I wrote it, to help with these kinds of things. I figured I could do something to help at least."

Severus nodded, taking the booklet as Remus handed it over. He ran his fingers across the worn cover, caressing it as if it were his lover's younger self. He jumped when he realized what he was doing and glanced at Remus who, of course, had been watching Severus' fingers play across the paper. When they stilled golden eyes turned to him, a mixture of affection and vulnerability shining brightly within their depths. Remus leaned in slowly and kissed Severus, letting his lips linger before drawing back by a hairs-width.

"I love you." He whispered, the honesty ringing in Severus' ears.

He couldn't bring himself to respond verbally. Instead, he laced his fingers with Remus', laid their entwined hands on his chest, and kissed him again. He couldn't say for sure how long they kissed, each meeting of their lips more tantalizing than the last. Slowly their body heat rose and Remus' breath was a warm huff against Severus' lips. When they finally pulled apart, Severus realized he was somehow straddling his lover, staring at soft, swollen, pink lips. Remus laughed softly, pushing Severus off of him.

"On second thought, maybe it would be best to start working immediately. Don't you agree?" he said, rising from the bed and making his way toward the door, a mischievous smirk on his face as he glanced back to Severus.

"Where are you going?" Severus groaned desperately, his discomfort obvious in his tightening slacks.

"To brew tea, of course. You can't do research without tea." Remus replied innocently, chuckling at the exasperated groan that followed him into the hall.

_A/N: Oh, the drama! And Remus, you're such a fucking tease! Bwahahahaha! Anyway, review, review, review! If all goes well, I may be able to post a new chapter a week! xD_


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: Chapter 10! Wooohooo! I enjoy writing this little tale, truly. But you know what I enjoy even more? Reviews! They feed my creative side! So review, please, if you don't want a poor, smut-loving, dirty minded FanFiction writer to die of creative starvation. *pout*_

The sun's last rays were disappearing beneath the horizon when Severus finally stepped through the Floo Channel, the signs of physical and mental exhaustion clear in his posture and face. He hung his travelling cloak in the hook next to the giant fireplace and removed his shoes mechanically, his mind too tired to take note of much other than his goal: the bedroom across the hall.

He managed to drag himself into the room and drop onto the bed without undressing, a true testament to his fatigue. His arm was slug over his face and he was already lost in the haze of that pre-sleep limbo when the sound of the door creaking open again snapped him cruelly back to consciousness. He lifted his arm just enough to peak at the figure standing warily in the shadows of the hallway as if he was uncertain if he were allowed entrance.

"What are you doing, Rem?" Severus grumbled, allowing his head to drop back onto the pillow.

"Just making sure you're okay. Did you… want something to eat? Or should I just let you rest?" he asked timidly, earning him another glance from Severus. He watched Remus fidget in the doorway for a moment before patting the bed beside him and relaxing into the mattress once more. A few moments later he felt the bed dip and Remus placed his head gently on Severus' shoulder. Severus wound his arm around Remus' waist, pulling him closer and sighing contently. He kissed Remus' forehead, hoping his sentiments were clear.

The last few months had been hectic, the days blurring into a montage of tomes, quills, and frustration. Severus tolled over countless pages day after day and still all his efforts seemed for not. Thus far all they'd done was collect information salvaged from the failed attempts of others to study; there was no progress to be heard of, much to Severus' agitation. The strain on Severus' psyche was translating to his home life and his relationship with Remus. Of course he never expected curing Lycanthropy to come easily, but he hadn't truly realized how accustomed he'd become to spending time with Remus until he could not. Their time together was limited to say the least, with the long hours and dedication Slughorn demanded of his student-come-successor. Remus suffered in silence, attempting to spare him the guilt, but it did not go unnoticed by Severus. Though his lover was doing all he could to help from home, he could see loneliness and apprehension in his eyes. The former Slytherin hated it. He was torn between his drive to fulfill his promise to Remus and his desire to be the lover Remus deserved. Most days he felt as if he was failing at both.

Severus didn't realize he was hovering in the limbo between wakefulness and sleep until his lagging mind registered Remus' soft voice.

"Happy anniversary." It whispered so softly. It took the older man a long moment to understand his words.

He sat up abruptly, staring wide-eyed at his surprised lover.

"What?" he asked, hoping he simply hadn't heard Remus correctly. Surely he hadn't lost track of time so much that he'd forgotten he greatest day of his life?

The auburn-haired man looked away sheepishly, confirming Severus' fears. "I just said happy anni-"

Severus kissed him soundly, attempting to apologize through the joining of their lips. He kissed him again and again, whispering hurried apologies between each meeting.

"Severus, it-it's fine! I didn't mean to make you feel bad." Remus gasped as Severus' kisses moved down his throat.

"It is _not_ fine, Remus! I forgot our anniversary. I've been so selfish and negligent-"

Remus placed a finger against his lips, silencing him with a gentle smile.

"You, my love, are anything but selfish and negligent. You're sacrificing so much for me and others like me; I couldn't possibly express my gratitude. So if I have to sacrifice a little of our personal time, so be it. Though…"

"Though?" Severus asked, enchanted by the gradual darkening of Remus' eyes.

"Though," Remus said with a wicked smile, "that means we have to make all of our time together mean something. And, well, this _is_ our anniversary…"

Remus quirked his eyebrows, making the meaning of his unspoken words clear. He slung his leg over Severus' narrow hips, smiling as he ground himself against Severus' slowly awakening member. Severus smiled, running his hands up Remus' thighs to his hips. He watched as Remus pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his sun-kissed flesh. He ran his hands over the toned torso, reveling in the slight raises of each scar his fingers skimmed over. Remus shivered, leaning down to nip at Severus' right ear and throat. They stayed like that, exploring each other slowly, pushing their counterpart to the edge of pleasure and backing off just before they could fall over. It was the sweetest kind of torture; Severus relished in the devious things Remus' tongue did to the sensitive skin just behind his ear. It was enough to drive him crazy with lust, but alas, he could not allow himself to give in to the pleasure tonight. He was supposed to be repenting for his oversight, after all.

Remus squeaked when Severus shifted, flipping them over suddenly. It took him a moment to realize his pants were also suddenly missing, assumedly the work of a silent incantation. He watched as Severus stripped himself, his passionate gaze bringing an aroused flush to Remus' cheeks. He pulled his lover down into a fierce kiss as Severus spread Remus' legs and settled himself between them, their nude members sliding against each other and sending delicious waves of pleasure through their bodies. Remus wrapped his legs around Severus' hips and thrust upward, creating more friction and moaning, barely hearing Severus' soft groan in response. The potions master gripped his lover's hips and thrust against him, making Remus shutter.

"Tell me how you want it." Severus whispered throatily, drawing another shutter from the man beneath him. Remus had a weakness for his voice, he'd discovered, and he often used it against him. "Tell me what you want me to do to you."

Remus wrapped his arms around Severus' neck, his hands roaming down his back; it was as if he couldn't touch enough of his skin.

"Merlin, Severus, I-" Remus broke off into a moan when Severus ground their hips together again.

"It's been too long, hasn't it?" Severus muttered, "I'm sorry, baby."

"_Baby_?" Remus questioned, gasping in pleasure.

Severus chuckled, "Too much?"

"Just, _Merlin_, just-" Remus groaned, his nails scraping Severus' flesh.

"Don't worry, love, we're getting there." His lover promised, pulling away from Remus.

Remus' eyes slipped closed as he let out a long, soft moan. Two of Severus' slick digits sunk deep within his body, stretching him and teasing him simultaneously, causing him to buck and gasp in surprise and appreciation. He bit his lip to stifle a moan as Severus' unoccupied hand stroked him slowly, gently. A third finger joined its brothers, causing Remus to arch his back and cry out and draw Severus back down for a kiss. Severus quickened the motions of both of his hands simultaneously, both to heighten Remus' pleasure and complete the preparation standing between him and bliss. He assured his ministrations remained thorough, however; he could never allow his impatience to result in discomfort or injury for his lover.

"For Merlin's sake, Severus, _fuck me_!" Remus cursed, pushing himself down against the fingers within him. Severus' cock twitched in response; who was he to deny his own lover?

The lovers moaned in unison as Severus entered Remus, the werewolf's knees pressed against his shoulders by Severus' dominating hands. He fed his length into Remus' willing body, the mews, moans and grunts falling from Remus' swollen, parted lips enough to spur him on. Remus' hands roamed his chest, sending ripples of pleasure through his muscles. He grunted, a shameful, barbarian sound that he would never admit to allowing himself to make, his mind too muddled with passion to care. He buried himself to the hilt with each snap of his hips, relishing the quake of Remus' body beneath him. They moved together smoothly, feeding off each other's desires. Nails raked down Severus' back, his grip on Remus' thighs would surely leave unsightly bruises, an arousing reminder of their coupling. Their mounting desire finally reached its peak, ripping a scream from Remus' throat as he arched upward and erupted, the white hot streams of his essence coating both of their bodies. His clenching muscles sent Severus over the edge as well, emptying himself deep within the hot, velvet walls of his lover.

They gasped, hearts hammering as they tried to catch their breath, pressed against each other by the wariness that accompanied post-orgasmic bliss. Severus was hardly aware of Remus' soft chuckle as he shifted their entwined bodies into a more comfortable position. He couldn't even be bothered to raise his head and respond to Remus' whispered affections as sleep claimed his wary mind.

~~

"Sir… this is… incredible. Are-are you sure? I hadn't dared imagine we would make such a breakthrough this early!"

Slughorn laughed, grinning manically at his apprentice as he clapped the younger man on the back.

"Come now, Severus! You're possibly the most brilliant student to ever enter my classroom! Even so, it is quite extraordinary to think we made such a breakthrough in only a matter of months. This is mind-boggling! Severus, this is absolutely- you've done it! You've found the missing component in Newberry's experiment! This could be what we needed, this could be our cure!"

"Remus' cure," Severus whispered, staring intently at the book before him. He could hardly breathe.

"We need to study the interaction of all the ingredients to find what causes them to react in such a volatile manner-"

"Chinese Fireball blood is highly flammable and can become explosive when combined with certain ingredients," Severus answered automatically, picking up the piece of parchment containing the recipe to Newberry's potion, "Willow bark. That would do it."

Slughorn looked at the recipe over Severus' shoulder, "'Exactly 12 centimeters of willow bark, sliced thinly.' I see. It's used for its pain-relieving properties. And the Fireball's blood is known to heighten the senses; its most common application is for the Revitalizing Potion. These are two of the three main ingredients of the potion; all the others act as supplements. They cannot be substituted. This is… quite the predicament."

"No… No, wait. If… yes, if we grind the roots after slicing that will destroy the compound the blood violently to while maintaining the pain-relieving properties. Right?"

Slughorn seemed to contemplate Severus' words for a moment before nodding.

"It is possible. We will test your theory, and if you're right, well… we may be making history at this very moment!"

Severus was only vaguely aware of the hand on his shoulder, shaking him vigorously in Slughorn's excitement. His body and mind had gone numb as the realization that he was so much closer to his goal finally set in. Soon he could prove himself worthy- truly worthy- of the love Remus gave him so freely. Soon Remus would never have to suffer again. Soon… soon.

"When will we begin the experimentation?" he asked.

"Immediately! Come, we have to collect our supplies. The elves can prepare a room for you so we may work-"

"You want me to stay in Hogwarts?"

"Well, yes," Slughorn said, turning his attention from the parchment he was collecting to his former student, "We've moved into the most important phase of this project, you need to be focused and available at all times. You understand that, don't you?"

Severus nodded, "What about Remus?"

"Well… I suppose he can be useful. If we have him to record findings our focus won't be as divided. Then, of course, he would also be a valuable endless supply of the lycan cells we'll need."

Severus' heart clenched. He of course expected this subject to come up. It was only logical; why wouldn't they take advantage of the werewolf at their disposal when they were clearly working for his benefit? But that was the issue; he felt as if he were to ask Remus for this, he would be taking advantage of him and his condition. He knew Remus wouldn't feel that way. He would be more than willing to help in any way he could, and yet he still felt odd about making such a request to his lover.

"I'll… I'll speak to him on the matter." Severus said, avoiding the professor's gaze. After a tense moment Slughorn nodded.

"I was planning to have you sit in on a few of my classes starting next week. But with this breakthrough we may have to push that back for awhile, I'd say."

Severus was no longer paying attention to the other man, once again lost in thought. On the positive side, he would be able to spend more time with Remus if he joined the project as a lab assistant. Perhaps this could be managed after all.

_A/N:Yay! Chapter 10! I struggled a bit with this one, but hopefully it satisfies you guys ^_^ Major conflict is on its way, people! This tale is about to pick back up! In, say two more chapters LOL. Review, mi amours! Muahh~!_


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Oh, look! Two chapters in one day! Boom! I'm on a roll! LOL XD Anyway, this is a set up for the drama I promised in the last chapter. Read on and review, my dears!_

"Where is the log for August 23rd? I need last Wednesday's log!"

Remus scrambled, flipping through the pages of the book in his hand frantically until he found the entry Slughorn was seeking. He shoved the opened book into the older wizard's hand and held his breath as Slughorn scanned the text wildly.

"Here! Yes, that it!" he cried, slamming the book in front of Severus and pointing to a bit of writing.

"Yes… if we only add one pint of Fireball blood before the willow bark and then another pint after… yes, that would be much more effective!" Severus declared, looking in astonishment between his lover and his mentor.

"What-what does that mean, Severus? What does it mean?" Remus asked breathlessly.

"At the moment nothing. But, if we test our theory and it proves effective… we will be able to fix Newberry's potion and… and-"

"-Cure Lycanthropy?" Remus offered.

"No. It's not the cure I was looking for, but it's something. Newberry was aware that a great many Lycanthropes, especially those born with the disease, do not wish to lose that side of themselves. The wolf represents an essential part of their lives and psyche. Some believe to remove the wolf within would have an adverse effect on long-term sufferers; Newberry was one of them. His goal was to find a median: a way to make the transformation safer, to allow the Lycanthrope to retain their mind while in their wolf form."

"And… if this works… they would- _I_ would- be…"

"You and all other werewolves would be in full control at all times." Severus answered his throat suddenly thick as he watched tears fill Remus' eyes. The auburn-haired man couldn't contain himself; he kissed Severus soundly, not caring about their audience. Severus kissed him back, running his hand into Remus' hair. Slughorn cleared his throat.

"Now, now, you two; we're getting ahead of ourselves. There's still testing that needs to be done. That is unless you two need a moment." he said, a glint in his eye and a smirk on his face.

Remus blushed as he pulled away from his lover, absently tucking a stray hair behind Severus' ear. "That won't be necessary, Horace."

Slughorn quirked an eyebrow at Remus' use of his given name but didn't comment.

"What do we do now?" Remus asked, leaning against the parchment and book covered table.

"We collect cell and tissue samples and test our theory." Slughorn answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh… right, of course. H-how will you know if it's effective?"

"The Lycanthropic disease attaches itself to the DNA of its host. Because of that, it is highly dangerous to attempt to destroy the disease, as it could potentially cause the destruction of the DNA itself. Should this work, the disease would become dormant yet remain intact. The werewolf in question would still go through the transformation, but by forcing the disease into dormancy the patient would be able to retain their conscience while in wolf form."

"That's… incredible…" Remus whispered, awestruck.

"The problem is any experimentation using lycanthropic cells must be performed during the full moon- to ensure proper results."

"You want me here on The Full? Forget it, Remus-"

"I'll be fine, don't worry. Lily won't mind if I steal James for the evening, promise." Remus interjected with a gentle smile.

"No, Remus, I said-"

"Severus, this is more important than just me. I won't be responsible for holding you back from something… as phenomenal as what's in front of you."

Severus couldn't respond. He didn't know whether he should be grateful to have a lover that was so understanding of his dedication to his craft or guilty for having to ask Remus to sacrifice so much for him.

"Remus…"

The werewolf smiled at him and pecked him on the lips.

"There's still two weeks before the full moon this month. We should harvest the cells two days beforehand, so sooner. For the remaining time between then and now I believe we should begin your introduction into the workings of a potions class. You can sit in on my 2:00 class tomorrow afternoon- 5th year advanced potions Ravenclaws. Better to start with our brightest students than, say, double potions with 1st year Slytherins and Gryffindors."

"Much appreciated. But there's still-"

"The rest of the day?" Slughorn finished for Severus, "Do with it what you will. It's obvious you two love birds need the time to yourselves."

Slughorn smirked, pretending not to notice the faint blush coloring Severus' cheeks as he exited the room. Silence followed the soft click of the door as Remus moved to stand behind his seated lover. He ran his hands lovingly through Severus' hair, massaging his scalp. The former Slytherin closed his eyes, leaned into those talented hands, and moaned.

"You really should stop worrying about me. I am capable of taking care of myself, you know." Remus said softly, his hands now kneading Severus' neck.

"Can't help it, love." Severus answered with a groan as Remus worked a knot at the nape of his neck.

Remus chuckled and kissed the crown of Severus' head, stilling his hands much to Severus' protest.

"Who would have known the 'great, greasy git' was loving and nurturing and so unbelievably sweet?" he purred into Severus' ear with a mischievous smile.

"Surely you won't tell anyone. I couldn't bare it if my reputation was damaged." Severus answered, pulling Remus around him to sit in his lap. Remus kissed him, still smiling, his eyes full of adoration and trust. That smile always left him mesmerized, as if he truly was still that little boy, constantly teased and confused as to how he deserved to hold someone so beautiful in his arms.

"I wish I hadn't been such a coward back then…"

It took a moment for Severus to realize the words hadn't been spoken in his voice. He looked back into Remus' eyes, spotting the self-resentment instantly.

"Remus-"

"I-we-could have been happy all this time… We could've avoided _so_ much."

"But we're here now, aren't we? We're together; we're happy, in love _now_, right?"

Remus nuzzled Severus' neck; a habit he believed was a side-effect of his lycanthropy.

"Of course we are, love. I just… I wish we could've gotten here without…"

Severus pulled his lover closer, running his fingers through Remus' soft tresses.

"Things were not ideal, I know. If I could turn back time and prevent all the pain you suffered, I would in a heartbeat. You have to know that, don't you?" Remus nodded against Severus' chest, "Good. Now, what would you like to do with the rest of our day?"

~~

"That was delicious, Severus, thank you. Where did you learn about a place like Maddy's Café?"

Severus squeezed the hand entwined with his own, watching Remus as they strolled down the street. Despite having just asked Severus a question, the younger wizard's attention was rapt by the window displays of the shops they passed.

"The proprietor is Madeline Prince." He answered simply, regaining Remus' undivided attention.

"Your… aunt?"

Severus nodded, "My mother's sister-in-law. I'm… not particularly close to that side of my family, but I've always been fond of her. I think it's because my grandmother never liked her much, either. She cooked our meal personally, you know."

"Well, whatever she does in that kitchen, I can see why they were so busy."

Severus smiled at the comment and they continued walking through the town square in silence. A stiff wind picked up, sweeping the knitted cap from Remus' head and causing his hair to flutter. Remus squawked, flailing a bit in his attempt to catch the cap but the cap swept halfway down the sidewalk before settling at someone's feet. The man stooped down to pick up the hat and Remus jogged back to retrieve it.

"Thank you, sir- Malfoy?"

The blonde man before him smirked, looking over Remus' shoulder to watch Severus approach the two.

"Ah, I see. So it is true, then. You've shacked up with the wolf-boy. I knew you fancied men, but I never thought your tastes were so… exotic, shall we say?" a wicked smirk crawled across Lucius' face, "Tell me, Severus. How _is_ your little _pet _in bed? I was curious when he was with that poor excuse for a Black, but perhaps I can get an answer from you: If you fuck him hard enough, will he _howl_?"

The smug look on Lucius' face quickly morphed into surprise as there was suddenly a wand thrust in his face. He never got the opportunity to object, as Severus sent him flying backward with a powerful _Stupify_, causing him to drop the hat in the process. Severus snatched the hat from the ground, pulled Remus' motionless form against his body, and promptly Apparated away.

They landed with a pop in the living room of their home and Remus pulled away from Severus immediately, slumping down on the couch. His good mood was ruined, lying in tatters on the cool concrete where Lucius Malfoy probably still lay unconscious. Severus hesitated in approaching his lover, unaware of what he should say.

"Remus, Lucius is-"

"Vile; disgusting; haughty and arrogant," Remus answered for him, his blank expression morphing into one of anger.

"Well, yes. So don't let his words get to you."

"Says the one who hexed him at point-blank range," Remus scoffed with a small smile, studying his hands.

"Just because you shouldn't take his words to heart doesn't mean he was going to get away with them." Severus replied, sitting next to his lover.

"It's not the first time I've heard those things… but still, it bothers me. I'm not some exotic _fuck toy_. I'm a man, a wizard, just as he is. So why…" Remus trailed off for a moment and Severus waited for him to continue, "I'm not a lesser being…"

"No, you're not. Lucius Malfoy will never be the man you are. No one who could think less of you for a condition you cannot control is worth your time or energy. So erase the entire thing from your mind and let's enjoy the rest of our evening."

Remus nodded, laying his head on Severus' shoulder, "What do you think we should do?"

"We can see what's on that muggle box you love so much." Severus suggested, entwining their fingers again, "I've been meaning to move it into the living room or our bedroom."

"Alright, we can do that." Remus answered, gazing at their linked fingers.

The couple rose from the couch and crossed the room toward the stairs when there was a rap at the window. Severus turned and spotted a familiar snowy owl. Perplexed, he turned away from Remus and let the owl in. It didn't come in, however, instead landing on the windowsill and extending its leg. The message attached was addressed directly to him in Lily's neat, wispy handwriting. His heart gave an ominous shutter as he opened the note. He wasn't sure what he was expecting the note to say, but it hadn't been this. There were only five words written on the small bit of parchment, but it tore through his mind and heart like a perfectly aimed lightning bolt.

_Sirius has returned to London._

"Severus, what's the matter?" Remus asked, rushing to his side as he sagged against the windowsill.

Bewildered eyes turned to Remus and Severus snatched the paper out of his reach.

"Severus?" Remus whispered, confused and slightly wounded at Severus' sudden change in attitude. The potions master could see it in his eyes, but he simply could not allow Remus to see those damned words written on that paper.

"Severus, what's wrong? Is it that note? What does it say?" Remus asked, feeding off of Severus' anguish. He'd never seen Severus so upset, his chest was heaving and his eyes wide and panicked.

"Please… Please, Remus, don't…"

"Don't what?" Remus asked softly, taking Severus' hand, the one clutching the note. The second Remus' fingers touched the parchment Severus crumbled, sobbing openly as he sagged against his lover.

"Don't…! Don't read it… don't…" he cried, even as Remus slipped the paper from his hands.

Remus stroked Severus' hair, whispering to him soothingly even as he opened the note. Severus could feel the moment Remus read those words, those cursed, damnable words. His body went rigid and he began to tremble. He could no longer support his own weight, let alone that of Severus, sending them crashing into the ground. Remus' mind was numb, but he was aware of a familiar sensation creeping through his chest, making it hard to breathe. He was barely aware of the sound of his own ragged breathing, his lungs struggling to expand and contract in their panic-ridden state. Severus called his name, staring down at him, his mask crumbled away, and yet Remus could do nothing to respond. The edges of his vision blurred and just before he lost consciousness he managed one word.

"Sirius…"

_A/N: Ooooooh, and the plot thickens! I'm so excited about what comes next! Oh, that sounds terrible. I'm sorry, Remus, I don't mean to be so cruel! Anyway! Reviews my lovies! We're coming close to the end, my dears! Oh! And I've already got another multi-chapter fic planned and in wait. Until next time! Mwahh!_


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Hello loves! It's been brought to my attention that, for some reason, my scene change dividers are disappearing when I post the chapters. Hopefully my new method will not disappear and, once this story is completed, I will revise the other chapters. (If it's confused anyone, my apologies.) Now, on with the show! (It's about to get juicy~!)_

Remus sat in quiet contemplation, a cooling cup of tea in hand, too lost in the events of the last few days to notice his surroundings. His face was blank, a perfect mask against anyone attempting to get a glimpse of the chaos within his mind, even if that meant his own lover, Severus, was shut out as well.

Severus watched Remus' stoic indifference, his own countenance the very opposite of his normal expression. A storm brewed just behind his eyes; passion, anxiety, and anguish dueling just beneath the surface. His shoulders were taut with tension where as Remus' seemed to have caved in around him; he looked as if he'd given up on happiness itself. Severus hated it, yet he could not bring himself to speak on the matter again. Every time he attempted to breach the subject since that night nearly a week ago had been met with stubborn, detached denial; Remus refused to speak on the matter. Severus didn't know how to handle this side of Remus. He didn't know what his lover was thinking and he was terrified that if he misspoke, it could be the end of everything they built together. So he danced around Remus, hardly speaking a word even though there was so much to be said, too much left unsaid. Severus kept his silence hoping to ease the tension that stood between them now, like an infinitely deep gorge that just seemed to widen with each passing hour. What had been fear of pushing Remus away, back into _his_ arms, was now a fear that perhaps he was watching Remus fade away in silence. He couldn't bare the thought of letting Remus leave without a fight.

"Remus," cold eyes turned their gaze to him slowly, "we need to talk."

"So talk." Was Remus' automatic response, his hands twitching around the tepid mug of tea.

"No. _You_ talk. I need you to be open with me."

Severus' unyielding demand was met with silence. Remus' eyes- those perturbing, beautiful eyes- shifted from Severus' face to focus on the cabinet beside the dark-haired man's head. For the first time in over 48 hours Severus saw a sign of emotion cross Remus' face; his jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth, as if willing himself not to speak. That small gesture infuriated Severus.

"DAMMIT, REMUS! What do I have to do to get through to you? What do you want me to say? I don't know how to fix this because _I don't know what's broken_ because _you won't tell me_!" he shouted, crossing he kitchen and slamming his fists into the table. If he thought the gesture would shock Remus into speaking, he was wrong.

Remus shot up from his seat, his face inches from Severus'. The mask shattered, revealing rage, disbelief and unadulterated vulnerability. Remus' face reddened as he screamed for all he was worth.

"How could I _possibly_ talk to you when you're walking around here, _looking _at me as if I've already betrayed you, as if I'd gone off and leapt back into his arms? Do you think I'm that _easy_, that _swayable_, that I'd just abandon you the second he decided to waltz back into London?"

Perhaps it was the pain of Remus' words, striking the most tender place in his heart with the precision of a well-aimed arrow; perhaps it was the anger that rose to the surface in response to Remus' accusatory tone; perhaps it was simply the truth rushing from his injured heart, racing up his tongue and springing forth before he had a chance to stop it. Severus could not name the cause, but his next words were spat with venom unheard since his days as a tormented, ostracized Slytherin.

"_Yes_," he hissed, narrowing his eyes, "Yes, I did! You've let go of_ nothing_, Remus! I can tell from that look you get in your eyes whenever someone so much as _says_ his _name_! But I ignored it, hoping I was being foolish-"

Remus scoffed, a sound caught somewhere between disbelief and despair, moving away from his lover and breaking eye contact, lowering his face to hide the tears pooling within them.

"So, what, you think I've been lying to you?" Remus' voice was oddly calm.

"You've been lying to _yourself_ more than me." Severus bit, watching Remus' shoulders slouch again as the werewolf hung his head further, nodding to himself as he clenched his fists, "You think you let Black go? No, _no,_ you've _immortalized_ him, locked him away in your fucking heart like_ nothing_ he put you through happened or matters! You've walled away your twisted little idealized memory of him and you won't let anyone _near_ that part of you, least of all me! You can say you love me, you can pretend everything's alright, but the _moment_ I get too close to that _precious_ _little_ _hiding place_ of yours, you push me away and shut down on me. I could feel it, I knew there was something just... _wrong,_ but it took the last few days to realize what it was! And here I've been, trying to show you that _I_ love you, that _I_ can treat you so much better than that, that I _deserve_ your trust! I can't fight if you won't even let _close_ enough to you to _try_!"

The anguish in Severus' voice echoed through the air around them, his words striking Remus' already battered heart. He refused to raise his head, refused to face the undeniable truth of Severus' impassioned words. He just stood there in silence, the old cracks in his heart snapping back open and deepening, threatening to swallow him whole. He struggled to hold on to his façade, for, at the moment, showing Severus the destruction raging within seemed as if it would only validate those spiteful words and he couldn't do that, no matter how much they rang true.

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE, REMUS, SAY SOMETHING!" Severus screamed, grabbing Remus by the arms and shoving him harshly against the wall. Remus' mask shattered, his shocked eyes locking with the enraged, stormy obsidian orbs, forcing him back into reality. The older, taller, dark-haired man's breath came in raged bursts, hot against Remus' face. His grip on Remus' upper arms was brutal and unrelenting. Remus could hardly breathe, pain throbbed through the back of head, but it hardly registered; it felt as if Severus' fury was invading his most intimate parts. He couldn't hide anymore, he couldn't lie; Severus was right. He loved Severus, truly he did, but even now, over a year later, he was holding his lover at arm's length, trying to ensure no one would ever be close enough to hurt him again. Remus never considered how such a selfish choice would affect Severus.

Severus watched, tense and ready for Remus to lash out and attempt to push him away; he wouldn't allow it, he would force the other man to face this, to face _him_. Remus' eyebrows twitched, knitting together as his eyes welled with fresh tears. A tear slipped free, following the gently curve of his cheek bone, stealing Severus' attention and dispersing his anger. Remus' limbs vibrated with a sob, and suddenly Severus was also drawn back into reality. With his fury and anxiety gone, he could finally clearly see the weariness that washed Remus' entire being and the drag of his internal struggle on his shoulders. He seemed frail beneath Severus' grip, which he immediately released, taking a small step away from the internally crumbling man before him.

"Remus…" Severus sighed in frustration, "Remus, Merlin, just… I-I need you to talk to me… please."

He reached a hand toward the werewolf's face, needing the comfort of knowing he, at the very least, could still touch the man. Remus shrunk back before lashing out, slapping Severus' hand away with enough force to cause the older of the two to stumble back.

"_Leave me alone!_" he shrieked, escaping pass Severus on unsteady legs, "Just-just leave me alone! I can't… I-I can't…"

Remus leaned against the wall opposite his dazed lover, his face pressed against the hard, cool surface as he sobbed, his body threatening to give out and send him crashing into the floor. The emotional toll was proving too much for him, he gasped for breath trying desperately to regain control of the chaos within him. He was overwhelmed and facing the questioning- the accusation- in Severus' eyes was the last thing he wanted to do.

Soft fingertips touched his arm tentatively just above the elbow as Severus tried to speak once more. "Remus, please, whatever it is, just… please…"

Remus' heart shattered once more at the desperation and vulnerability in Severus' voice yet he could not bring himself to turn and face the other man. He could not answer to himself let alone to Severus, and if he could not offer true honesty, then he would rather offer nothing instead. His actions over the last week, no, the entirety of their relationship had been thoughtless and caused Severus a pain he didn't deserve; a pain Severus hid and Remus willed himself not to see. But here, now, he could not ignore it anymore. They both needed answers and, as much as it pained him to acknowledge, he could not get them here, from Severus.

"I… I need to go, Severus." He managed to whisper. The silence that followed was suffocating, broken only by Severus' bitter laughter as his hand slipped away.

"What, so you can go see him?" his voice cracked, revealing the pleading tone beneath the accusation. He wanted to be proven wrong, just this once; to know that Remus would never actually abandon him to run back to that foul, disgusting-

"…Yes." Remus answered, finally turning to meet Severus' eyes. That damned impenetrable stone glaze had returned. Severus couldn't breathe.

"Y-yes?"

"I have to, Severus. If… if I'm ever truly to move on… if I'm ever to give myself to you and _only _you, I have to face him."

Severus swallowed thickly. "The-Then I'll come with you."

"No," Remus interjected, "No, I need to do this alone. Without you, or Lily, or James; I can't move forward until _I _face him."

"Remus, please-"

"If you've ever trusted me, trust me now." The werewolf demanded.

"R-Remus…"

Remus squared his shoulders, looking Severus in the eye once more before pushing passed his lover and moving up the stairs. Severus followed, his aching heart unwilling to let Remus leave just yet. A hollow ache in the pit of his stomach told him that this could possibly be the last time he saw the man he loved. He could think of no words as he watched Remus pull on a travelling cloak, his movements robotic and stilted. Remus threw a fistful of Floo powder into the fireplace before he seemed to reconsider his actions. He turned to Severus once more, his eyes haunted and begging Severus to understand. Severus looked away. He could do nothing but will himself not to crumble as he waited for the tell-tale roar of the fire transporting Remus out of his life for good. Instead, a strong, trembling hand grasped his collar and yanked him forward, lips claimed his forcefully, desperately, hungrily. He kissed back, Remus' slick tears mingling with his own, making Severus' shattered heart flutter none the less before Remus forced them to part.

"I love you." He whispered, stepping back into the flames and vanishing before Severus had a chance to respond.

"I love you, too…" he whispered to the cold, unsympathetic walls around him.

~REMUSSEVERUS REMUSREVERUS REMUSSEVERUS REMUSSIRIUS? ~

The moment Remus arrived at the Potter residence in Godric's Hollow, he collapsed to his knees, gasping for breath. A voice in the back of his mind mocked him; if he'd thought learning of Sirius' impromptu departure and subsequent re-arrival was painful, then how could he possibly describe the ugly monster tearing apart his mind and soul now? The physical pain was just as intense as any transformation, yet he was still here, of sound mind and body. That thought hardly made him feel any better.

Remus was vaguely aware of the sound of someone coming up the stairs; of course, the sound of his exhausted body crumbling to the ground would surely be cause for alarm, he thought sarcastically. He managed to raise himself to his knees before his barely-focused eyes turned toward the blurred figure in the doorway.

"Remus?" Lily gasped, rushing to his side. Muttered voices sounded from the hallway, as well as shuffled feet. It took Remus a moment to focus on Lily's face; she looked pale, her face was drawn with worry. James' face, mirroring her expression, appeared over her shoulder. He whispered something Remus didn't quite catch before looking over his own shoulder.

"I think it would be best if-" he started, standing once more.

"Right. Right…" answered a voice he hadn't dreamt he'd hear again. Hesitant foot steps faded down the hallway but, Remus, noted, not toward the stairs, but in the other direction. The soft click of a door closing confirmed his theory: Sirius was staying in James and Lily's spare room.

"Why'd you… send him away?" Remus managed to ask now that his vision wasn't swimming.

"Because," James started, his expression confused, "You… I don't think now's the right time for a reunion, mate."

"You're obviously upset about something," Lily added, stroking Remus' face and wiping away the sticky tears, "What happened?"

Sirius paced his room nervously, listening intently to the soft voices in the room just a few doors down. He could just manage to make out the details of Remus' story, his own heart clenching painfully at the mention of his renewed role in Remus' heartache. He cursed himself silently, despite the fact that he hadn't actually intentionally done anything. He had told Lily not to tell Remus he was back just yet, yet that bloody woman still sent a note to Severus. Of course Remus would see it, how could she not have known! But, in truth, Lily couldn't be blamed either, he knew. The central cause of this entire mess had been him, after all.

For over a year Sirius had been trying desperately to forget everything. He hadn't lied when he told Severus he was leaving so that Remus could have peace and move on, but he also needed the space for himself. He spent nearly a year and a half travelling to any and everywhere that had a prominent Wizarding community and even a few places where he would find no other wizards. He drank their liquor, music, and culture, bedded their women and men, sampled their drugs; anything he could think of to erase the gaping hole in his heart and those startling golden eyes from him memory. Nothing worked, no matter the toxic combination of drug and alcohol or the number of bodies in his bed. After a few months of drunken trysts and bad drug-induced trips, he hit rock bottom.

He awoke in the middle the woods somewhere in America (or was it Canada?), covered in leaves and body glitter with a strange man lying on top of him. His sleep addled mind only registered soft, auburn hair, gently curved, full lips, and an earthy scent. He remembered moaning a name, the one name he'd willed himself not to speak for over 8 months at that point. The man lifted his head then, smiled and opened his eyes, revealing his flaw: he was green-eyed, like the tart Sirius destroyed his life over, not golden-eyed like the man he so resembled.

'Is that his name, then? Remus? The pretty boy you're trying to forget?' he whispered. His voice was higher than Remus', too. Sirius shoved him away and stood, finding his boxer briefs and tugging them on.

'I'll be whoever you want me to, baby, if every night in your bed is like last night.' This anonymous whore with Remus' beautiful face smiled lewdly, slinking up to Sirius in all his nudity and wrapping an arm around his midsection.

Sirius swung before he had the time to think and suddenly those green eyes shifted to gold and it was Remus sprawled out in the dirt and leaves, his lips bloodied as he cursed Sirius' name. Sirius fell upon him immediately, clutching him to his chest, pleading and apologizing profusely for all the wrong he'd ever done. The thin man pressed against him that looked like Remus but was not tried to push him away, but Sirius refused to let him go. It wasn't until an arm slipped free and slugged him across the face that he released the stranger, whose eyes were once again that hated green.

'You're sick man, fucking sick!' he'd screamed, wiping his mouth and storming away.

'Wait! Wait, tell me your name! Please, you look so much like him, tell me your name!' Sirius begged, causing this strange beauty to pause.

'Aaron… my name's Aaron.'

After that episode Sirius realized that Remus had simply played too big a part in his life to be deleted. He would never be able to forget the werewolf but maybe, if ever he could bring himself to see the man again, he could be forgiven. So he spent two weeks alone in those woods, forcing himself through a painful detox and the remaining months travelling in search of enlightenment instead of escape. He decided he would see his friends- his pseudo-family- again, but not until he was satisfied with the man he was to become. He travelled to the places Remus always talked about: Tibet, where he spent several weeks with the monks that mastered and communicated only through Legilimency, learning to be open with himself and others; in Nigeria, he apprenticed with a Healer, becoming proficient in bone-mending and sealing wounds (it was something he struggled with, despite years of monthly practice). He drank in the culture of France and Italy, Egypt and Spain, all the beautiful places Remus dreamed of. He found a meaningful trinket in each place, hoping one day he could present them to his former lover.

His decision to come back was made in a muggle coffee shop in Spain, while he sat quietly watching patrons come and go for a few hours as he enjoyed the warmth of their outdoors seating. The waitress walked passed his table for the 8th time to find his cup still filled and, strangely, still hot. She offered him a kind smile.

'Whatever it is you're sitting here hiding from, maybe it's time you go face it.' She said before walking away. Sirius contemplated her words for a moment before leaving the shop, a large tip for the waitress placed under the drained cup. He fire-called the Potters, told them of his travels and his plans to return and finally meet his nephew. Understandably they were hesitant to show their excitement; Lily nervously breached the subject of Remus and Severus. Sirius could remember his heart going numb for a moment, but he forced a smile; that was what he wanted, wasn't it? Remus moved on to someone, Sirius begrudgingly admitted, that could make him happy and remain faithful to him.

'Don't worry your pretty little head, Lils,' he'd said, 'I won't force Remus to see me if he doesn't want to. He has a right to his new life, after all.'

Two weeks later, Sirius was on the Potter's doorstep, bags forgotten at his sides as he shared a strong embrace with his adoptive brother and (sort of) sister-in-law. Lily led him to his temporary room where he left his things before following the red-head into the adjacent room to meet the newest member of his family. He remembered thinking Harry was big for an 11 month old, but Lily scolded him, sighting that Harry was just well-fed and happy. They moved downstairs to the den, Lily chatting excitedly about all the milestones Harry hit before he was due to; of course James was the one to proudly recall the story of the day Harry's magic made itself known by levitating the retired Snitch the baby had been reaching for.

When Sirius hesitantly asked about Remus, the couple kept their news short. He was well, not as thin as he used to be, had a job as a research assistant for Slughorn and Severus (Sirius bit back a sarcastic retort to that- old habits die hard), and seemed happy. Then Lily offered to tell the werewolf Sirius was back and ask if he wanted to see him. Sirius refused, she sent one to Severus anyway, and now, it seemed Remus was suffering because of him anyway, despite his best efforts.

"Sirius…"

The disowned Heir of the Black family jumped; he'd been so deep in his memories and self-hate that he didn't hear James open the door.

"He wants to see you."

_A/N: And once more, a cliffhanger! Dammit, I'm such an evil bastard x3  
>Hopefully the next chapter will be posted within the week, as much as I don't want to rush this story, I must, as my classes start up again in May and I probably won't have the time to write then. We're getting there, kiddies, we're getting to the end.<em>

_As always, review! Muahh!_


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Chapter 13! Sorry for the delay! I wish I could promise you that this one is happier, but alas, I'd be lying if I told you that. This chapter will be so drama and angst filled, it's not even funny. But I swear, they'll be happy by the end of this story… hopefully. As for my note at the end of chapter 12, I don't think I'll be able to end the story in the allotted time frame, so I'll just have to do my best to update while juggling classes. It won't be too long though. ON WITH THE STORY!_

Years ago, in the naivety of their youth (which, truthfully, hadn't ended nearly as long ago as it seemed), Sirius would have sworn nothing could ever lead to this tension that stood between the three of them. James stood just behind him, at his left as always, and yet his close proximity did nothing to stave off the chill of solitude that washed over him. He felt singled out, divided from his surroundings under the criticism of those familiar golden eyes. Remus watched him from across the room, his eyes bright and vigilant, as if he was expected some sort of physical attack. Sirius didn't know how to respond to being at the receiving end of such disconcerting scrutiny. This position was new, foreign land; their reunion never went this way in his mind. It was always passionate; there was tears, there were fists flying and hexes, but never this, never this daunting uncertainty and hollow abyss between them. Something irreparable had broken.

"James, will you," Remus paused to clear his throat, "will you give us a moment?"

"I, uh… yeah. Just let me know if… you know…" James answered awkwardly, slipping out of the room. Sirius watched him go before turning his eyes back to Remus.

If he'd expected his former lover to relax once James exited, his was wrong. Remus' shoulders were taunt with anxiety, his skin had paled further, and Sirius couldn't tell for sure if he would bolt or pass out first.

"Remus, why don't you sit down." Sirius suggested softly, gesturing to the chair just to the other man's right.

Remus nodded his head stiffly, "Yes, I-I think… right."

He sat stiffly, his posture refusing to relax as he continued to watch Sirius. The dog animagi sighed, leaning against the wall behind him.

"Should I begin, then? Or would you prefer-"

"I think I need to get this off my chest and if I don't do it now, I never will and it will haunt me for the rest of my life."

Stunned by Remus' words, Sirius straightened and nodded, setting his shoulders for what was to come. He watched Remus' face intently; he wanted to remember every twitch of muscle, every tilt of his head. He hoped his ability to read Remus had not dulled as the man before his so often struggled to express himself fully.

Remus straightened himself as well, staring at his carefully folded hands. He seemed to contemplate his words for a long moment, before he finally met Sirius' eyes to speak. Sirius' heart sank at the sight of those tormented eyes. He felt the urge to comfort Remus and tell him he understood, that he didn't need to say anything, but the hardened expression just beneath that pain kept him silent. It was clear that Remus needed this and he could give him that, at the very least.

"Sirius, I…" Remus began before his voice caught and he sighed. He dropped his gaze, unable to look Sirius in the eye once again, "I honestly never expected to see you again." he chuckled at this. "Sure, I hoped I would, some nights I even prayed you would come back, safe and intact. I'm sure no one will understand why, after… after what happened between us-"

"Remus, I never meant to-" Sirius began desperately before he was cut off by Remus.

"Hurt me?" Remus said coldly, suddenly focusing his intense gaze on Sirius' face, "But you did, Sirius. You did. I was…destroyed, back then. I felt like I'd lost my reason to live. And I had, back then. Because you _were_ my reason for living. But you left me. You left me the moment you decided to bring another woman into your bed. I don't know when it happened, but you stopped caring about me, Sirius-"

"That's not true, Remus!"

"Sirius, please, let me finish-"

"NO! Remus, no," Sirius crossed the room before he could stop himself and gripped Remus' face in his hands, forcing the other man to maintain eye contact, "Listen to me, okay. Everything about that day was wrong. I fucked up, I know I did. And as corny as it sounds, I wish I could take all of that back- you don't have to believe me, but it's true. I'm an idiot, an utter and complete fool, Remus. I took me entirely too long to realize my life is nothing without you. You, Prongs, even Lily and baby Harry- you're what holds me together."

Remus stroked the back of Sirius' hand before sliding it from his face, though he allowed the other hand to remain.

"Then tell me why you did it, if I meant so much to you. Why'd you run away instead of fixing things, fixing _us_? I would've given anything for you to come back and say everything would be okay back then. Why come back now?"

Sirius released Remus' face and stepped back, running his hands through his hair and sighing in frustration.

"I can't. I honestly don't have an excuse good enough; nothing can excuse what I did to you. I was selfish, I was stupid… I was scared?"

"Scared?" Remus scoffed, wrapping his arms around himself comfortingly.

"Yes, scared," Sirius answered, "I've loved you since we were barely teenagers, Remus. And to realize that all over again, to realize I wanted to spend my entire life with you and no one else was absolutely terrifying. I slipped right back into being Sirius Black: the Playboy; the unattached and the unobtainable. It was who I was before I finally got you, and it's exactly what cost me-"

"Please, just stop." Remus interrupted, burying his face in his hands. He would not cry again, there were no more tears despite his aching, "There was a time… back then, when… when that was all I wanted to hear. But," Remus swallowed, steeling himself, "I didn't come here for that, Sirius. You know that."

"I do." Sirius admitted.

"But Severus believes I've come here to reunite with you."

"Does he?" the thought of Severus being so jealous and insecure would have been laughable, had Remus' expression not been so serious.

"I have not. But I cannot deny that I needed to see you. I needed… closure I suppose. I've never been in this position before, you know, Sirius. You were my first love, I can understand Severus' fear and it's not without it's grounds. He believes I've idealized you, locked you away in the recesses of my heart. And I have… I have. I can't let you stay there, Sirius. I have to let you go…"

"I never intended my return to ruin anything for you, Remus, you've got to know that."

"I should be thanking you for returning, honestly. I would've never faced the truth, were it not for Lily's note."

"I told her not to send that."

"I suppose that means I wasn't the only one not ready for this little meeting of ours, then?"

A tiny smile crept across Remus' face, drawing a matching one from Sirius before he remembered exactly how long it had been since they'd shared a smile. Remus' gaze dropped back to his hands.

"Have you… seen her? Since you've been back?" he asked timidly, his shoulders suddenly tensing again as he awaited the answer.

"No," Sirius answered truthfully, "She made it perfectly clear she never wants to see me again, and honestly the feeling is mutual."

Remus nodded stiffly, "Right. Well, it-it's not as if I have any say on the matter, I certainly wouldn't… hold it against you. You're entitled to your own happiness, Sirius."

The former Black Heir smiled softly. He crossed the space between them, unable and unwilling to hold out any longer. He wrapped an arm around Remus, pulling the werewolf close. He was surprised to feel Remus' arms wrap around his own waist without hesitation. That tiny gesture spurred him forward, his hands moved on what seemed to be their own accord. He cupped Remus' face and tilted it upward, finding no resistance. His lips pressed against familiar, sweet warmth and his heart soared. Remus' lips were pliant beneath his own, not quite responding, but definitely not resisting either. The moment stretched into eternity before Sirius felt Remus' entire body stiffen in his arms. Though he expected it , his heart still crumbled when Remus' arms came between them and shoved them apart.

"Sirius, no! No, I-I can't! It wouldn't be fair to Severus, I couldn't do that to him!"

"I know, Rem-"

"And what about me, Sirius?" Remus shouted, glaring at Sirius just as he had that day so long ago, "What about me? You think you can just _kiss _me and everything will be fine? Do you think so little of me?"

"Remus, listen to me. Nothing I ever do can erase what I've done. I don't expect you to come running back to me, I don't expect anything of you. But I love you, Remus John Lupin. I have all along, and I will for the rest of my life, no matter where the two of us end up in all of this. I want to see you happy, and if that means you go back to Severus, so be it."

The resolution in Sirius' stormy grey eyes startled Remus. What was more startling was the dull ache of regret it brought forth from his heart.

_~REMUS SEVERUS SIRIUS REMUS SEVERUS SIRIUS REMUS SEVERUS SIRIUS~_

By night fall Remus had not returned to the home he shared with Severus. The Potions Master, tired of the stomach-churning nausea he couldn't seem to quell, set to work brewing himself a relaxation potion. He tried to focus on the task and not the small baby blue box which housed his supply of moth wings. It had been a gift from Remus some many years ago, and now it served only to mock him as he sought relief. He cleaned his instruments as the potion boiled, as was his custom, a ritual he couldn't break even now with his heart laying shattered on the floor. At that most bitter thought he paused in his actions, looking to the boiling cauldron beside him. Its contents were a golden yellow peppered with black specks. A slow, bitter, resentful laugh escaped Severus' lips unwarranted; his potion had been thwarted by stale moth wings, how… typical.

Rage suddenly gripped him and before he could make a second thought his arm whipped out and knocked the cauldron to the floor with a loud clatter, spewing hot liquid across the floor and adjacent wall. His chest heaved rapidly as he surveyed the damage. His anger had caused one of his larger vials to careen off the table and shatter across the floor, several of his tools were now scattered about the room, his cauldron was dinted, and the disaster of a potion was starting to smoke as it ate into his floor and wall; he couldn't bring himself to care.

Instead he swept from the room, leaving the destruction as it was. He entered the master bedroom and hesitated; his eyes had been instantly drawn to the worn, leather-bound book sitting on the bedside table. It was Remus', a copy of the werewolf's favorite collection of poetry. Remus had been reading only a few hours ago, silent and stony, as he ignored Severus' existence. Now Severus wished he never opened his mouth. The same thought drummed through the back of his mind: had his outburst sent Remus back into Sirius' arms? After all, he'd accused the man of wanting just that; could he truly blame Remus if he decided he went back now? _No,_ Severus thought bitterly. He just hoped that one moment of unbridled anger and passion hadn't ruined the one thing he dreamed of for so long.

He felt a disturbance before the sound of the ward disruption met his ears. He rushed into the living room without a second thought, emotionally conflicted between relief and anxiety. His breath caught when he set sights on his lover.

Remus was completely disheveled; it was clear he hadn't simply Apparated home. He was drenched in rain, his hair plastered to his forehead and neck. He stood as if the entire world sat on his shoulders, trying to break him. His eyes were puffy, bloodshot, and hollow. He glanced at Severus before storming up the stairs, all but fleeing from Severus' intense, questioning gaze. Severus followed blindly, desperately.

"Remus, wait, what happened?" he called, but Remus didn't respond, he didn't even look back. The auburn-haired man moved passed the door to their bedroom and straight into the spare bedroom, slamming the door. Severus tried in vain to force his way into the room, but it would not budge, held in place by old magic and rampant emotions. Realizing he would get nowhere with his lover in his current state and attempting to avoid another blow-out, Severus stepped back for a moment to contemplate his choices. Severus sighed and slid to the floor, resting against the wall adjacent to the door.

"I'm not leaving you, Remus. I'll sit here until you're ready to talk, but I'm not leaving." he said, perhaps louder than necessary. The only answer he received was silence.

Hours passed while Severus sat outside the locked door, occasionally using a charm to scan the room beyond it for signs of life. Each time it came back without signs of peril he let out a breath of relief. Dawn was peaking over the horizon when the door finally creaked open.

"Remus…" Severus sighed, struggling to stand on numb legs. He hadn't pushed himself up from the floor before Remus was draped across his lap, squeezing the dark-haired man desperately.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I just- I…"

"Hush, love. Let's go to bed, we'll talk later, alright?" Remus nodded against Severus' shoulder, allowing him to carry him into their bedroom. The werewolf was asleep before he hit the sheets.

_A?N: UGH! Finally, I managed to get this chapter out! I've been struggling with this one, truly. As for why it's taken so long, I'm in the middle of school right now, and Summer semester is much shorter than Fall and Winter, so it's been kind of tight and intense. My classes end mid-June and don't start up again until mid-August, so hopefully that's enough time to finish this little love-story of ours, yes? Until next time my dears! P.S: Don't forget to read and review!_


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N:My apologies once more for the wait, I'm in the process of trying to stay on top of my schooling, moving and all the other stresses of life with imbeciles. Okie dokie, chapter 14! My plans for this story have changed once more, so really this is something of a second act (the beginning of it anyway) Are you ready?_

The next morning Severus awoke to the sounds of dresser drawers opening and closing in rather quick succession. He sprang up, heart racing and hoping beyond hope that his fears were nothing more than foolish anxiety. His eyes immediately settled on Remus' back as the other man pulled a t-shirt over his head. His jeans hung low on his hips -unbuttoned apparently- and a pair of socks lay on the dresser in front of him. Severus sighed softly to himself and smiled warily as he edged his way out of the bed.

"Where are you off to, love?" he asked softly, coming to stand behind his lover.

"I was just about to wake you; we've been invited to breakfast with James and Lily, get dressed."

"Will Black be there?" Severus asked, his voice cold and a bit harsher than he intended. Remus glanced at him before answering.

"I haven't the slightest." He answered lightly, moving to sit on the trunk at the foot of their bed and pull on his socks.

"Well he's staying with them, isn't he?" Severus retorted, folding his arms across his chest.

"I suppose so, yes."

"Merlin, Remus, don't give me this crap again! Will you talk to me already?"

Remus looked up at Severus, the light of his eyes a sham of their usual glow."I am talking to you. Now get dressed, we're going to be late."

"No, you're not! You left here, clearly upset yesterday- and I'm sorry for that, I really am- but you left and you went to Lily and James' to see Black and by the time you got home you were a fucking zombie! I couldn't get a response out of you for hours and now you want me to pretend everything's just fine? Something obviously happened yesterday and you won't even talk about it? What the Hell is your problem? This isn't you."

"My problem," Remus began slowly, "is that you refuse to dress for breakfast and we're going to be late. I told you we would talk, and we will. Later, alright? I promise."

Severus sighed as Remus pulled on his shoes. He moved toward the closet and pulled out a pair of dark slacks before moving toward the dresser himself. This seemed to please Remus enough, as the tension in his shoulders melted away and he stood and embraced Severus.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm a fucking mess; you didn't deserve that."

"If Black is there… will you be alright?" Severus asked softly.

Remus nodded against his shoulder, "I just need you there with me, okay?"

"Of course."

~REMUSSEVERUSSIRIUS~

The couple chose to Apparate into Godric's Hollow and walk the short distance to the Potter residence. Severus clutched Remus' hand as they strolled in silence, hoping to comfort Remus and provide the reassurance they both needed. For the life of him he couldn't understand why Remus insisted they attend this breakfast knowing Black would be there, but he refused to allow his lover the face that man alone again.

"You're hurting my hand, Severus."

Startled from his thoughts (he'd envisioned a particularly nasty scenario between Sirius and himself which ended in a rather wicked duel in the ruins of what used to be the Potter's living room), Severus hastily released Remus' hand upon realizing how tightly he'd been clutching it. Remus offered him a sympathetic smile and pulled him to a stop.

"I know this is a lot to ask of you, but could you at least try not to let him get to you? I need to do this, but I really don't think I could handle if-"

Seeing the panicked edge beginning to surface in amber eyes, Severus silenced Remus with a gentle kiss.

"I'll behave as long as he does," he whispered, taking Remus' hand once more.

Remus chuckled, interlacing their fingers, "That's not as reassuring as you think."

"Alright, break it up, lovebirds!"

The couple turned to see James standing on the porch, arms crossed and amusement in his eyes. The tall, dark-haired man slipping back into the house behind him didn't go unnoticed. Remus offered James a quick, forced smile before dragging Severus along behind him up the short path through the front yard. Severus' eyes found Black the moment they entered the house; the man was leaning against the mantle, arms crossed and glaring at him out of the corner of his eye. Rather Remus noticed this or not, Severus didn't know, as Lily immediately swept him away toward the kitchen, babbling about lack of cinnamon or whatnot. Confirming Remus was in fact distracted, Severus shot Sirius a cold glare of his own. The other man's eyes narrowed and he pushed away from the mantle, seemingly intent on stalking over to confront Severus, which the Potions Master would have welcomed without a second thought had James not stepped between them at the first sign of trouble.

"Look, guys, I understand things are… strained right now," James started, causing Severus to scoff, "_but_, I think we can agree this would go a lot smoother if you two _didn't_ chew each other's heads off, yeah?"

The two men continued to stare each other down, unphased by James' attempt at intervention, silently daring the other to either make the first move or back down. Severus could feel the tension continue to rise; a voice whispered to him from the very edge of his consciousness, warning him that should he act things could only end badly, but the challenge in Sirius' eyes grated his nerves in that way only Sirius Ulysses Black could.

The clatter of shattering dishes followed by a pained gasp tore Severus' attention away from his foe. He moved toward the kitchen entrance way, but Sirius beat him to it, pushing his way pass him. Severus froze momentarily as the scene came into view: Remus knelt amongst the debris of a broken plate, clutching his bleeding hand as Lily attempted to pry a rather large shard from the wound. What caused him pause was Black, kneeling on Remus' other side, gingerly holding it open for Lily. The look on his face was genuine concern, muddled by perplexing guilt and affection. Severus' breathing stopped when Sirius and Remus met eyes and he watched a moment pass between them. He barely managed to swallow down the lump that threatened to choke him; he felt just as he had for all those years standing in the shadows, watching and yearning for Remus…

Before he could stop himself Severus stormed over and yanked Sirius to his feet by the arm, jarring Remus' hand in the process and causing him to scream in pain. Sirius whirled around to face Severus, hardly an inch between them.

"_What_ is your problem, Snivellus?" he demanded, his eyes a molten silver swirl of hatred.

"You! _You're _my _bloody_ problem!" Severus hated the satisfaction his admittance brought to Sirius' face.

"Severus, just let go of him!" Remus demanded, pushing himself to his feet and ignoring Lily's attempts to stop the bleeding.

The potions master turned to his lover incredulously before glaring at Sirius once more, "Don't _touch_ him." He growled.

"Excuse me?" Remus replied defensively, drawing Severus' attention once more, just long enough for Sirius to shove him away harshly.

"I'll _touch_ whoever I damn well feel like _touching_!" Sirius retorted, his anger coloring his cheeks and furrowing his brow.

Severus lunged forward, completely forgetting he possessed a wand. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to feel Sirius' windpipe give way beneath his palms. His fingers managed to graze that damnably perfect throat before he was suddenly being shot backwards by a powerful blast of wandless magic. James caught him before he crashed into the mantle, effectively preventing the destruction of the picture frames and trinkets which decorated it and immobilizing Severus' attempt at retaliation.

"GUYS! GUYS, STOP!" Lily shrieked, futilely attempting to neutralize the situation but Severus had already broken free of James' grasp (a feat of strength not previously displayed) and the dueling pair drew their wands simultaneously. Everything stilled as they squared off, toe-for-toe, Severus' wand aimed for Sirius' throat as Black directed his own wand straight into Severus' face. The air hung thick within the room, which seemed to significantly smaller now with the suffocating pressure of barely contained magic pressing in on its occupants. James stood to their left, apparently struggling with the decision as to how to defuse the situation before it could deteriorate any further. On the other side Lily had grabbed Remus to stop him from jumping between the two men. She still clutched his wrist, his injured hand forgotten in the fray. The werewolf stood frozen, a look of horror etched on his face, his breathing just as rapid as that of both is lover and his ex-lover. His eyes darted between them, unable to process the sudden display of hostility. Finally he found his voice.

"S-Sirius-"

Severus' heart clenched painfully and he stepped forward subconsciously, the tip of his wand nearly imbedded in Sirius' throat now. For the briefest moment his thought scathingly that if he just killed Black, Remus would have nothing else to cling to. It was a lie, he knew; even if he managed to kill Sirius, it would do nothing more than permanently cement the other man in Remus' heart and mind and shatter their own relationship irrevocably.

Sirius' lips twitched in what could have been considered a smirk. "Your move, Snape. You've been waiting all these years for revenge, probably even dreamed about offing me. Do it. Show us all the man you really are."

"N-No…" Remus managed to utter, finally stepping between the two, "No, Severus! Don't! _Don't_! That's not who you are! Sev- Merlin- _Sev_!"

Remus' words barely registered to his enraged lover. His mind was elsewhere, replaying all those little moments he'd attempted to ignore but somehow committed to memory. His blood boiled as the scenes played across his mind, taunting him, pushing him to utter the one word that would force Sirius to experience all the pain he'd caused. It was on the tip of his tongue, he was only vaguely aware of Remus' hands on his face, trying to avert his attention. There were fingers gripping his hand now, turning it away and trying to remove his wand, and yet Black's face still held that arrogant _fucking_ smirk. Blood rushed through his head, deafening him to Remus' words and the only thought he could process was how much he wanted –_needed-_ to finally wipe that look off his face.

The word felt like silk as it slipped from his tongue and sure enough, Black's countenance slipped from one of supremacy and condescension to absolute terror. This reaction confused Severus; there was no rigidity, no screeching-

Then he heard it: a shriek that turned his blood to ice, one he knew his mind would never let him forget. Crumbled at his feet lay Remus, spasming wildly even as his voice left with the last of his breath. The blood that had pooled in his face was draining now, his eyes were vacant, but the seizure didn't cease. Severus stood over him, frozen in terror and mentally separated from the situation as his mind went blank. Lily dropped to her knees at Remus' side, screaming words Severus couldn't make out over the drone flooding his mind; James pushed pass him, rushing to their aid. Sirius snapped out of his stupor first, snatching the wand still clutched in Severus' hand. The volume suddenly returned as Sirius countered the Unforgivable Curse, his own face pallid as he dropped to his knees. Remus' eyes rolled in his head as he gasped for breath, oblivious to Lily's desperate pleas for a response. Severus' tongue felt like sandpaper and stone within his mouth; he couldn't speak even if he wished to.

"I-Is he-" Black started and Lily's tear-reddened eyes tore away from Remus to glare at him with more animosity than Severus had ever seen.

"GET OUT!" she exclaimed, shocking even James.

"What?"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! Both of you! I can't _believe_ you two! You claim to love him, but look what the Hell you've done! _Look_!" she sobbed, laying her head on Remus' erratically raising chest.

Severus found his voice. "Lily…" he managed before his throat seized shut again.

"No, she's right. Both of you, out, _now_. The last thing Remus needs to wake up to is you two." James answered for his wife, his eyes cold, allowing for no argument. Black, temperamental as ever, glared at James incredulously before whipping out of the kitchen. An explosive sound of Apparation followed not a moment later. Severus studied Remus' prone figure once more, his body still spasming with the aftershocks of the curse. He couldn't look away, though it wasn't as if he needed to memorize the scene- it was already ingrained permanently in his subconscious. He felt light-headed and when he found he finally could move, he fled as quickly as his trembling legs would carry him. His path was blurred by panic and misted eyes; his lungs were aching before he Apparated.

Severus crashed into the coffee table as he landed, destroying both the table and the tranquil quiet of the house. He pushed himself to sitting slowly before glancing around the room. It seemed so large around him now, where before, when he lived here alone, it seemed nearly suffocating in its restrictions. The walls felt hollower now than ever before and the air was too still without the sounds of Remus' movements and laughter. His heart still beating frantically, aching with disbelief and guilt, Severus allowed himself to sink to the ground once more, welcoming oblivion with open arms.

~_REMUSSIRIUSSEVERUSREMUSSIRIU SSEVRUS~_

The silence of the long-abandoned Black residence was shattered by the thunderous bang of the front door being thrown open. Sirius' chest heaved as his stormy grey eyes darted about the room in search of something- _anything_- to destroy. His gaze settled on one of the few intact vases in the room and a moment later it was zooming through the air and shattering against the opposite wall.

This did nothing to assuage Sirius' fury. How could James and Lily throw him out when he'd done _nothing_?! That damned giant, greasy, infuriating bat was entirely at fault! _He_ started the whole damn thing; _he _was acting like a possessive child; _HE_ was the one that performed a bloody _Unforgivable_ in the first place!

Pain exploded through Sirius' arm; his fist had disappeared into the drywall, taking a good portion of his anger with it. He draped his weight against the wall, his bleeding hand slipping from the hole as he let out a shuttering breath. He couldn't do it. He couldn't watch Remus be with someone else; he couldn't _just_ be his friend.

When Lily told him about her idea to have breakfast with Remus and The Bat, he'd hesitated. Seeing Remus had awakened a yearning in him, he wanted to see him again as soon as possible, but the thought of seeing him _with_ Snivellus was stomach-churning. But he'd agreed, if only to prove to Remus he was serious (so serious he would not make that _stupid_ joke anymore) about rebuilding their relationship, friendship or otherwise. But then he saw their kiss on the Potter's drive and his blood ran cold. Everything after that was a blur of slowly building fury until- his mind had freeze-framed this moment- Remus lay between them, his body contorted in agony caused by that- _that_-!

Sirius growled, his other fist shooting out automatically to strike the wall, but it held against his assault, supported by a beam in the manor's framework. Hot, angry tears spilled down his cheeks as his heart struggled to make sense of the emotions bombarding it. This damned unsettling fluctuation of his emotions was exactly his problem, he realized. His attentions and desires never settled on a singular target for long; that is, until the night he'd confessed to Remus. It felt right, being with Remus; he felt calmed and steady, a striking relief after dealing with his turbulent emotions for so long. For so long Sirius was convinced that Remus himself was his personal cure, until… until…

Sirius dragged himself to his feet, numb to the pain in his hands, but unable to shake the gnawing pain within his heart. He stood for a moment, leaning against the wall and drowning in the now familiar see of self-hate and baseless anger. It was stifling and he couldn't say for sure how much longer he could contain it without Remus there to pacify him, but he hardly had any right to ask such a thing of him now. Sirius huffed, looked around, running his bloodied hand through his hair as his anger fully dissipated into sorrow. There was no point in staying here; the house was cold, empty, and profoundly lacking in alcohol. Sirius made his way upstairs and into the parlor to the Floo channel, muttered his destination- The Leaky, the nearest pub with the strongest drinks- and disappeared into the emerald flames.

_A/N: For those of you who have been desperately awaiting this chapter, thank you for the faith and encouragement! Even though it took much longer than expected, every time I received a review notification, it spurred me forward. There are three more chapters or so, so our story is drawing near its end. I hope you've enjoyed it thus far, and that you'll return for my other publications! Muaah! _


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